Senior Sunday

Senior Sunday is probably one of my favorite days of the year. It's bittersweet, as I always completely lose it in tears while celebrating my seniors. For this group, I've been with them for 7 years. The first time I met many of these students they were 6th graders. For some of them I've known them for less time, but it doesn't change the relationship that I've built with them. It's bittersweet because I am so excited about who they have become and what God is going to do in the next chapter of their story. But, I am sad to watch them move on. I will miss our small group and the great discussions we have that challenge me as much as I think I'm challenging them. I will miss seeing them on Sunday morning with sleepy eyes, but a willingness to engage in whatever we are doing. I will miss the mission trips, ski trips, and Reds games. But more than all of that, I will miss their smiles, their never-say-die attitudes, and their love. They have loved God well, and loved each other even better. I know that He has huge plans for each member of this class. I'm excited to see how that all plays out as they head to colleges like Ohio State, Lee University, Alabama, Notre Dame, Tulane, the Naval Academy, Indiana, Ohio University, and Boston University. (I know, I have a smart bunch, don't I?)
Please join with me in praying for this group of students as they attempt to take their faith out into the world!!

What a Great Season!

I have the privilege of coaching soccer at a local high school. I say privilege because it has been one of the highlights of my 6 1/2 years in Cincinnati. Of course, there are days when it can be a burden, but those days are far outweighed by the pure blessing that these girls have been to me. I am the head coach of the junior varsity team and one of the assistant coaches of the varsity team. I love coaching jv for one simple reason. I get the freshman! I think going from 8th to 9th grade is one of the hardest transitions for a student and I love that I get to spend time with this group of excited, fearful, nervous, passionate kids. It is fun for me to be able to establish a trusting relationship straight away so that they have a solid support system as they navigate the halls of the high school for the first time.

Of course my competitive side sometimes struggles with coaching jv, but I am learning (ever so slowly) that winning isn't everything and that the big win is their development...both as a soccer player and as a young woman. :)

But what is even more fun for me is to see how those relationships play out over the years. This has been evident in some of the conversations I've had lately with players I coached 5-6 years ago. And what is even cooler is how those relationships have fostered some amazing conversations about faith. I am amazed at how many times players have come to me and wanted to talk about their faith journeys. I have to be careful because of the laws that separate church and state, but I was so excited last year when a group of our players (jv and varsity) wanted me to start a Bible study with our team. Of course, not everyone attends this study, but it is still going strong over a year later. And as I think on the college students I still keep in touch with who have gone through our program I marvel at how God works to build His kingdom.

I guess I'm just super encouraged as I think about how God uses us to accomplish His purposes. Obviously God's purpose is for us to know Him and make Him known. But within that purpose He uses all kinds of crazy, messed up, people (like me...and you) to carry His story to those who need to hear it. And He uses the silliest avenues (like the game of soccer) to do it. What a privilege to be a part of His story, and to have some fun while making an impact on this world.

So my encouragement is this...just do it. A silly slogan from Nike, but truth when it comes to using the talents God has given you for His kingdom. You will be amazed at what God does with the little we bring Him. And you will never regret putting your talents and gifts on the line for God. It is well worth the sacrifice when you see lives changing and relationships building.

Resistance

Working in ministry with teenagers for 10 years, I've encountered a lot of resistance to the Gospel. Teenagers are naturally resistant to anything that looks like a boundary. To many of them, Christianity and even Jesus screams boundaries, so they start out pretty resistant to even talking about it. In addition to them having a negative understanding of what faith is all about, they are also a bit fearful of the unknown. They want truth, but they aren't sure what truth really looks like in many cases, and so they are skeptical. I can understand. They are growing up in a world that denies absolute truth. They are growing up in a world that tells them whatever they believe is fine, as long as they are sincere. If someone starts talking about one truth, they get skeptical about it and wonder if they can really trust what you are saying. But, I've found if you approach someone who is resistant with an open, loving heart and are willing to really listen to their point of view and not immediately shoot their ideas down, they are much more willing to have a conversation with you about it.
This was reinforced in my world this morning. I was having coffee with a college student who I coached a few years ago. We have stayed in touch as she has gone off and begun a new chapter in her life. Never very interested in the faith side of the journey, we've always had great conversations about the more practical things of life. I've always encouraged her to seek out truth, but I've never pushed it on her because the Spirit in me just kept telling me she wasn't ready. This morning was different. She had a pretty tough year last year and I could tell she was searching for a grounding point in her life. So I began just asking her questions about her faith journey. Immediately I got resistance. "The Bible is full of crap." "I just can't believe all that stuff." "It was written by a bunch of men and then a bunch of other men decided what went in it and what didn't so they could make the story what they wanted it to be." On and on the discussion went. I just listened and asked questions. I'll spare you all the details but after an hour conversation, her heart had softened to the idea of seeking truth for truth's sake. She had even let me in to hear the most difficult parts of her life and how faith in "a God", as she put it, was something she really might want to pursue...but she assured me it wouldn't be Christianity that she would pursue. In the end, I encouraged her not to toss the Bible out. (She told me she didn't even have one to toss anywhere...ha!) I encouraged her to read it critically and if she couldn't come to terms with the inerrant nature of it right now, that's ok...just read it and ask tons of questions. She walked away this morning with a Bible in her hand and a plan to read a gospel. Wow. Awesome! (and not only that, she confessed to going to the library and checking out Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis)
This interaction has stuck with me all day for two reasons. One is the reality that God continues to pursue us and chase us and want us. I see that in her life right now. God is pursuing her. He's allowing her to go through a bit of a desert time so that she will reach out. I know that if she seeks she will find.
The second is that no interaction is a wasted interaction. We have the opportunity every day to influence people...and we can influence them with the love of God or the love of self...but we will influence. I think about how easy it would have been not to dive into the issues and have a nice, surface level conversation with this friend today. And I'm so glad that the Spirit pointed me below the surface because the conversation blessed me in a way I can't even describe. I firmly believe that when we are willing to be the hands and feet of Christ, we are more blessed than we could ever be anywhere else.
Just something to chew on for a while...

The God who moves, works and heals

2010 has been kind of insane. I know I have not been writing much, but this is primarily because I didn't have much to say...until recently. Now I'm not even sure how to say all that I want to say.
I will start by just saying that this spring was difficult. It was more than difficult. I was feeling what many youth pastors and volunteers who work with high school students feel often, and that is just an overwhelming sense of apathy from students. It's the kind of apathy that makes you want to quit your job and work at Starbucks, because at least people get passionate about their coffee. I have a ton of theories as to why our students can be so apathetic about their faith, but that is not what this post is about.
This post is about when God brings us out of a very dry and miserable desert time into a time where He shows us His goodness and glory in a way that we cannot deny. And maybe what I've learned from what I'm about to share with you is that we have to experience the desert to appreciate the rain. And that God is always faithful, even in the midst of a difficult season.
So here goes. It all started with a conversation. My intern, Zac, and I were just sitting around talking one day...actually, if I'm honest, I was venting. I was just at the point where I was frustrated with the way we do church. I was frustrated that it seemed like our kids were more interested in being entertained than having an experience with God. I was frustrated that I felt like I poured out my heart every week to these students and for the most part it felt like I was trying to convince them to love God. I knew that there was more of me than God in any of that, and it was just time to be different. So we prayed. And then an idea came up. I thought, what if we just didn't set anything up on Sunday? What if we all just sat on the floor and asked some really hard questions about what our students were looking for in church and God? What if we opened the Bible and took a good, hard look at the early church and the way they sought after truth? What if we were honest with them about where we were and where we felt they were with this whole deal?
At first we got really excited about this idea...and then nervous. I mean, what if it doesn't work? What if they tell us they just want to be entertained? What if they really aren't interested in growing and being challenged? What then?
Well, to make a long story short, none of those fears were warranted. What God had been stirring in me He had also been stirring in a group of our students. They were receptive and excited about starting a deeper conversation. In fact, they decided that this was how they wanted to do church for a while...to take away the "show" and just have conversations that matter about truth that has the potential to change their lives.
Fast forward one week and we were off to Mexico with 16 of our students. I never could have prayed for what God did in their hearts during this week of service and fun. Our students took a hard look at what center they had been living their lives out of and decided that it needed to change. They came home fired up about what God is doing in their lives, in the world, and what He wants to do in our church. Since then it has been just an outpouring of God's Spirit on our group. Students are digging in deep to Scripture. They are praying for each other and supporting each other in this quest. They are willing to have conversations that are in no way comfortable, but for sure are life changing. I am watching them lean in to hear from God about direction for their lives. It is an exciting time.
I think back to the middle of the spring...the time when I was thinking about becoming a barista at Starbucks...and I am so thankful for a God who gives us strength even when we are in a desert. And I'm thankful that His grace is sufficient...always. I am excited to be able to share with you how this plays out. I can tell you what I hope and pray for...I hope and pray that our students, surrendered to God, will change the world. I know that is a big thing to pray for...but I am learning that with our God all things ARE possible. So, I will pray bigger prayers, trust more and be willing to be used in whatever capacity God wants to use me in. Because ultimately, He is the one who calls the shots...and it's all in His good timing.

But now, this is what the LORD says - he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Do not be afraid, for I am with you...

You are my witnesses, declares the LORD, and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the LORD, and apart from me there is no savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed - I, and not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses, declares teh LORD, that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days I am he." Isaiah 43:1-3, 5, 10-12

I read this and I feel very insignificant, and yet...chosen. He tells us that he summons us by name and that we are his. And then he tells us what we should be about. We are witnesses to his greatness. We are witnesses to all people about who God is and what he's about. And when I think about what that really means, I feel overwhelmed. Why is this so hard? Why do I get so distracted by this world? Why is it so easy to desire some of those "foreign gods" he talks about?

I don't really have any great answers today. All I have is questions. Because if I'm honest with myself, there is nothing more in this world that I want than to be totally sold out for and immersed in the person of God. But the reality is that life seems to get in the way of that desire. Responsibility seems to get in the way. And of course that life and those responsibilities are defined by the world, so for the most part they are a little bit off base. Maybe a lot off base. And yet, they exist just as God exist. It's a choice every day of who we will serve. And I find myself struggling with the sometimes loneliness of really being set apart. I find myself asking once again for God to show me what He really means by "being in the world and not of it."

But I also feel comforted that He tells us that we are HIS! He will be with us as we wrestle with these and so many other questions and trials. He will be with us as we walk the difficult path of working out our salvation with fear and trembling. He will be with us when it seems like the whole world is against us. Maybe that's all we need. Maybe that's all I need.

What I'm Thankful For

Thanksgiving...a day to reflect on all the blessings in our lives and focus on what we are thankful for. I find myself thinking back on the past year with a smile on my face. Lots has happened, both good and bad, and yet I have learned how faithful God really is and how exciting it is to be a part of His plan.
It was about this time last year that I was contemplating my future. I remember a conversation I had the first week of December last year with my friend Corrie while I was in Mexico. For the past 8 years or so my heart has grown more and more interested in mission work and what God is doing all over the world. I was really wrestling with the idea that we have so much here and so many people will go to bed hungry. I was wondering why God was breaking my heart for the world. It was a confusing time and I really felt lost. I loved my job working with teenagers. I really did like Cincinnati and I liked my church, although I was wondering if it might be time for me to move toward full time missions.
So Corrie and I really prayed for clarity. I had no idea in that moment where God would take me over the course of a year. In February, Corrie and her husband John moved to Nigeria from Mexico. I prayed about joining them for the summer to "get my feet wet" in more of a full time mission capacity. I applied to be an intern with Back2Back and was accepted. Still, I had no idea where God would take me in this adventure.
In June I took a group of students to Mexico and then in July I turned right around and headed to Africa. It was probably some of the best weeks of my life. I loved the culture, the people, and of course the children we were working with. And over the course of five weeks God showed me a ton...about me, about orphans and about His plan for this world. I was shocked as He not only gave me a heart for the people of Nigeria, but He gave me a deeper hurt for the kids that I work with. He shared truth with me about the lost and that we are all orphans until we come home to the Father. And He gave me vision for student ministry here in Cincinnati.
It was the opposite of what I expected. But it has been a blessing to come home and share that vision with our team and be on the ground floor of something I know God is building here. And in all of this, missions is still very deeply on my heart. Africa is still very deeply on my heart.
My hope is that I can mobilize a generation of students and their parents to care about the world. My prayer is that God will move in them to break their hearts for those who are lost and hurting. This is the hard part...because in our culture, it's so easy to just close our eyes to what is going on even in the middle of our own city. Its easy to sit in our little suburban bubble and not see past our own neighborhood. But this is why I think God brought me back here. To make sure that everyone knows what is possible.
And the opportunities keep coming. I will leave Monday for Monterrey again to build these thoughts into the lives of 25 women. In February I am going to Belize with an amazing group of doctors, nurses and others who are excited about making a difference in the world. And in June I get to take a group of students back to Mexico to impact the lives of some beautiful orphans.
My life is so blessed! So, if you want to know what I'm thankful for...it's that God takes simple lives like mine and allows me to be a part of His bigger story.
I don't know what the future holds. I'm here for now. But I do know the guy who writes the story and I'm totally confident that whatever the next chapter holds, it's going to be awesome!

Being Overwhelmed and resting

I know those two words don't go well together. "Overwhelmed" and "Resting". But I'm coming to realize that life in this world is nothing more than a challenge to balance the two successfully. It's been a super busy season for me over the past two months. There have been times where I have been running around from event to event or meeting to meeting and there is no break. It seems some days like I need more than the 24 hours that God has given us in each day to make sure everything on my list got done. Most of the time, everything does not get done. There have been moments of fear because the last thing I want to do is let anyone or anything slip through the cracks. But in all of it there has also been tremendous joy in the work that God has blessed me with and the people He has surrounded me with.

So the other day I was just thinking...how can we balance the reality of us getting overwhelmed with all that is pulling at us in life with the reality that God gives us rest? I'm not sure there are many quick and easy answers to this question, but here is where God has been leading me with it all. There is a difference between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of this world. In the kingdom of this world we are pressed on all sides. There is always another task to do, another person to meet with, or another errand to run. This will always be so. The enemy loves to keep us busy...because as long as we are running around like crazy with deadlines and appointments and whatever else, we cannot spend time hearing from and focusing on God. The Kingdom of God has a very different agenda attached to it. In Psalm 46:10 it says, "Be still and know that I am God." Many of us have heard this passage before in reference to taking a bit of a sabbath and resting in the knowledge that God is Lord and has everything in control. We know that God speaks in the silence and quietness of rest. However, the rest of that verse hit me when I read it. It says "I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth." This brings a bit more power to the theme of God being God. And it brings a bit more focus to the purpose of our days. When I think about my day to day, I ask myself the question of how much of it is focused on the main thing? The main thing is that God is exalted and glorified in the earth. What I'm finding is that the days where I am getting overwhelmed are the days when my focus is more on me than on Him. The days when I find rest are the days when my focus is more on Him than on me.
Remember, He WILL be exalted...regardless of what I do. But His invitation for me is to find rest in the simple quietness and stillness of His presence. And then, I have the strength to go out and face the kingdom of this world with a more focused mindset. In that mindset, I'm able to recognize that it's God working and not me...and if I ask Him, He will direct my steps to the tasks that are most necessary for the day...keeping me from getting overwhelmed by the pace of this world.

Spiritual Amnesia

I've never had real amnesia before...forgetting my past. But tonight I realized that I have a pretty large case of Spiritual Amnesia. Let me explain. God is so gracious to me. He has spoken to me on many occasions, about many things. (For those of you who get creeped out by the idea that "God spoke to me," it's always through other people, Scripture, circumstances or the Spirit inside me sharing truth with my heart.) Anyway, I am thankful that most of the time, God speaks when I am struggling to make sense of the world or my life. It's usually when I am at the end of myself, which makes sense...we must be at the end of ourselves to even see past our own circumstances to look for more wisdom. But my issue is that God will speak, I will even write it down, and then I will forget about it and end up in a similar place again down the road. (Hence the term "amnesia".)

It's not that I want to forget His amazing truth, or His amazing grace...it's that my brain is just not good enough to hold onto it all.

It's been really frustrating for me lately, because since I've been back from Africa, I have been different. God has changed me in many ways. He has changed the way I live life and the way I view ministry. But, I feel like I am coming down from the mountain in that I have forgotten some of the things He spoke to me while I was there. And so I'm beginning to understand why the Israelites could see grand miracles and then turn right around and curse God and Moses and ask to go back to Egypt, as if God hadn't spoken to them the whole time. What I'm learning, though, is why God kept saying for them to "remember." He told them to remind each other of the great things that He did for them. And tonight, as I pulled out my journal I was able to remember the great things that God spoke to me this summer. And in all of that, He spoke again and reminded me what it was all about. All I had to do was to humble myself before Him and ask.

I love that even when we are hard-headed and have amnesia, God still speaks....and loves...and gives grace...

Living every day like it's your last...

So, I've been a little busy lately. Between running the youth program at Horizon, coaching soccer, and buying a new condo, life has been really fast paced. But in the midst of that pace, I've been doing some thinking.
I feel like I miss some days. It's not that I sleep through them, but I feel like they go by so fast that they become a blur. And so you wake up Monday morning and before you know it it's Thursday afternoon. I sometimes look back at the week and wonder where the time went. When this happens I feel like I miss some of the small things that make life totally amazing. For example, this week the temperature finally dropped and fall seemed to begin. I think it was yesterday before I even realized what had happened and was able to slow down enough to enjoy the amazing day.
Well, I began thinking about a quote that I shared with our high school students a few weeks ago. "How we live our days is how we live our lives." It began me thinking about all sorts of stuff, but here's the big one. If we live our days in a hurry and don't slow down to make time for the small ways that God whispers in our ear, the we will live our entire lives in a hurry and miss a ton that God was trying to tell us and teach us.
Since returning from Africa, this has been on my mind a lot because I feel like (apart from great friends and really great kids) the one thing I miss the most from Africa was the pace of life. I think I said in a previous post that it was not like we weren't busy. We had things to do and we lived busy lives, but the pace just seemed so different than the pace I live here at home. Here I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in 5 different directions in any one day. So, I've really made it my mission to be more intentional with my time and slow my pace. Obviously I'm not winning this battle day to day.
So, yesterday I was standing on the sideline of a soccer game I was coaching and leaned over to one of my injured players and said, "what if we lived every day like it was our last day...what would our lives look like?" She looked at me like I was a nut-job and simply said, "we'd be exhausted." Would we? Would we be more tired if we lived every day like it was our last? I don't think so. I think we would be more purposeful in how we spend our time and energy, leaving us less exhausted and more fulfilled. I think we would pick the things to do that make the most sense, and stop doing the things that just fill our time...or we would stop wasting our time. I think there would be far less arguments over stupid stuff, and far more sweet moments with our friends and families. At that point, one of my other players looked over and said, "well, I'll tell you what...I certainly wouldn't do my homework if this was my last day." And I laughed...because I probably wouldn't do mine either. :)
But the point has hit me hard and has stuck with me. I want to live every day as if it is my last day, and make the greatest impact I possibly can in the most intentional places God provides. And, at the end of it all, the reality still stands...how I live my days is how I live my life.

Seeing Clearly

I read a book while I was in Nigeria called "Soul Cravings" by Erwin McManus. I am a big fan of Erwin, and it's not just because he has a sweet name. It's because I really appreciate his speaking and writing. He always challenges me to go a bit deeper and think on a different level. This week I have been thumbing back through Soul Cravings because I am going to reference it in a talk to high school students this weekend about community.

I just wanted to share one quote with you. He is talking about how there is no such thing as a perfect community. Duh! Of course not...because we are all flawed so as soon as we join into a community it is automatically flawed. But because of this imperfection, he says, "it's easier to be patient with people when you realize they're being patient with you." I think that is a brilliant statement. I remember reading this about 2 weeks in to living in a house with 14 other people in Africa. I remember thinking..."Amen, brother!" as I recalled how I had to be patient with one of my new friends over something and realized that she was being pateint with me over the same issue. We just saw things differently.

But now I've been back home for over 2 weeks. I have been back in my apartment where I live alone and once I walk in that door only have to be patient with myself. And I've noticed myself being less patient with the people in my life when I am not consistently confronted with community living and constantly pushed to be patient with others. It bums me out because my desire is to love the people around me well, but my selfishness does rear its ugly head at times when I don't necessarily get what I want. I don't think anyone else would even notice, but I notice. I feel it in my gut when I know I should be giving grace and in my spirit I am frustrated or angry or feeling put off by something someone else did.

So today I am reminded that nobody is perfect and that we are all on this journey called life...where we are so blessed to have the opportunity to walk together in it. My prayer today is that God would help me to see from someone elses' shoes. And that He would make me aware of my shortcomings that others have to deal with, which inevitably makes me more patient when I notice someone elses shortcomings. Thank you God that you are so patient with me.

Life in Transition

Sorry for being slack in not posting this week, but it's been a busy time trying to transition back to what I used to call "normal life." The reason I say "used to" is because I'm coming to realize that there is no such thing as normal life...and I'm really glad about that. The transition back to the States has been easy in some ways and tremendously difficult in others. As far as settling back into the comforts of home...not a problem. It was not tough to turn my air conditioner on and tuck myself into my nice, soft bed. It was not tough to brush my teeth and stick my toothbrush under the water for the first time in 5 weeks. It was not tough to clean up my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. What has been tough is to drive around and be reminded of the tremendous wealth in our country...and think about the friends I left in Nigeria who don't have running water or electricity...and it becomes a lot to process. It's been hard knowing that God has changed my heart in many ways and I'm very curious of how those changes fit into the life I left. It's been tough to walk back into life changed and know that many people don't understand why you aren't the same. They aren't critical of the change, in fact, many are very supportive, but that doesn't mean they understand. It is also tough to try to explain the experience I had in Nigeria to others and really try to help them understand all that God showed me and spoke into my life. I always tell our students that they need to have one or two short stories ready that give a glimpse of what they experienced on a mission trip. I tell them people will ask, but because those people have not had the experience they might not understand your excitement and they aren't going to want to listen to a 2 hour dissertation on Mexico or poverty or how a small orphan child can rock your boat and change your world. This week, more than ever before, I understand why I tell students this. It's not that people don't want to hear...but more than that, I cannot condense all that I experienced over the past 5 weeks into a short conversation. I honestly haven't even made it through processing it all in my own brain, let alone try to explain to someone else what I think or feel or have experienced.
But one thing I am learning is that life is not "normal". I had to go half way around to world to realize that normal is not something to strive for. God is much bigger than normal. And if our lives begin to be what we would consider normal, we are probably settling for much less than what God has designed for us. Normal means we aren't out of our comfort zones. Normal means we are just going along with the culture and aren't rocking the boat. God never intended for us to be normal. He intends for us to be set apart and radical. He intends to shake up our lives and surprise us with His grace, His mercy, and His plan. So, I like that my life is no longer normal. I like that I am expectant of what God will do next and excited to be, as C.S. Lewis says, surprised by joy. I'm glad that God is gracious enough to shake it up. I hope your life is never normal.

Coming Home

Well, tomorrow is the day.  We will board a plane tomorrow afternoon and head back to Cincinnati.  I have mixed emotions as we attempted a bit of closure this afternoon.  I have great anticipation of coming home and diving back into coaching and ministry, and at the same time I have a well of sadness about leaving what has been home for the past 5 weeks.  I have a lot to process as I think about all that I've experienced while being here.  God has shown up in some big ways.  I have been able to participate in some great ministry as well as have some very intimate time with God.  I cannot begin to tell you all that God has shown me during this time right now, but I will continue to process and share what I can.  One thing that I am confident of is that God is calling me to stay put in Cincinnati.  I know some of you were probably wondering if this trip would surface a calling to full time missions in Africa.  I'm not going to say that at some point in my life that is not going to happen, but for now, I believe with my whole heart that He has called me to Horizon and the students in Indian Hill, Mariemont, Madeira and Anderson.  I am excited about this.  It's not that I didn't have an amazing time while being here in Africa.  I am excited about continuing our relationship here and I'm hoping to at some point bring our college students and maybe some adults from Horizon here to experience a glimpse of what I have.  (Sorry Phil, I know you said not to get excited about that, but I really am.)  I think the perspective that I've gained about poverty, God's heart for the lost, and our role in all of it is so valuable.  I've also gained some huge perspective about who I am in Christ and my role in this crazy world.  I want to invite you all to pray for me and with me as I transition back to the US.  Also please pray for our flights tomorrow.  We have a 9 hour flight from Abuja, Nigeria to Frankfurt.  Then we have another 9 hour flight back to Chicago.  I will arrive in to Cincinnati Saturday evening. Thanks for all of your prayer while I've been here, it's been the most amazing experience of my life.  

What's In A Name??

I don't think often about my name. In fact, it's not all that often that people even call my by my first name. I'm not sure when this started happening, but for the most part, people are pretty content calling me "Rudge" and don't use Amy. I don't mind, it identifies me right?

After yesterday I have been thinking a lot about my name. Amy means "Beloved". I love that! I am assuming that my parents knew that when they named me, but maybe not. A lot of the time in our culture, we are named because our parents thought it sounded cool or they knew someone by that name and they liked it. I've heard it said that the best way to pick a name for your kid is to yell it off the back porch to make sure it sounds good when you are trying to get your kid to come home for dinner. But a name means a lot, and I love mine. For me it is prophecy. I know I am the beloved of God and it makes me smile when I think about what I am named.

Yesterday, we did a food ourtreach in one of the villages. We walked from house to house (hut to hut) and gave out rice, beans and oil. We also asked the people if we could pray for them. We had a translator with us named Daniel because this village spoke mostly Recuba, which is a village language here. As we asked people for prayer requests I would also ask them for their name so that we could pray for them by name. What I found was that a lot of the meanings for the names that we heard were not uplifting. One little boy's name meant "death". He was an adorable 4 year old who has his entire life ahead of him and he will carry that name with him. Another man's name meant "wayward." Apparently before he was born his mother lost 3 children at birth and so she named him wayward assuming that she would lose him as well. He was now over 50 years old and still carries that name.

As I was walking and talking with Daniel, he said that in his education his University did a research project looking at as many African languages as possible and they could not find a word for "future." He said that from what he knows, the word does not exist in Africa. That blows my mind. There is a concept for the future...like tomorrow or the next week, but it does not carry the meaning that our language gives to the concept of a future. I think about the students that I do ministry with in Cincinnati and they are told from the time they are very young that there is a future out there waiting for them. For the most part they are encouraged to go out and make the most of themselves, encouraged to do great things. Just listen to a commencement speech, whether 5th grade, 8th grade or high school, and you will understand what I am talking about. In this village, though, there is such a lack of hope. There are very few who look toward the future with any kind of expectation of great things. This is a huge thing that needs to change here. There needs to be a word that depicts moving from despair to hope. There needs to be encouragement that there is more than being born, being hungry, having children, getting sick and dying. Then maybe the names they give their children will be more like "beloved" or "hope." Then maybe the world will look a little brighter for the children of Africa.

At The Table

While I've been here I've been reading a book about looking at the life of Jesus from a Jewish perspective. One of the things that the authors have hit on is the idea of hospitality in the Middle East (which is also true in Africa, by the way). In these cultures, being invited to dinner was a big deal. It signified friendship and intimacy and ultimately it was one person inviting another to live deeply together. As soon as the guest would step onto the person's property, that other person would take full responsibility for the guest's life. They would fight for you. Being invited to the table was being invited to live in the shelter of someone else.
This summer we have been talking a lot about God's shelter. In Psalm 91 God tells us that we are invited to live in His shelter. "Those who dwell in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (Ps 91:1-2) But there is something else that I'm learning. In Psalm 23:5 David says, "You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Essentially God is telling us that when we come to His table, and we are all invited, He is our protection. He will fight for us.
On Friday night we had the CLAPAI kids over to our house for a celebration dinner. It was the last week of school for them before break and we wanted to honor them for a year of academic achievement. (Just as an aside, we cooked a goat...which I did not taste because we cooked the ENTIRE goat and it grossed me out). We made them certificates and the director called them up one by one and commended them for all they had accomplished this year. But as each one came up she shared a little bit about what they had been going through this year. Here is a snippet. Bincham has HIV. Godya met her father for the first time this year (she is 9) and he is a Muslim, and she doesn't want to be a Muslim. Lucky and Endurance are left alone for days at a time and have to fend for themselves. All of them have been impacted in one way or another by HIV. And as they came up one by one, Kyenpiya was talking about how we must pray for them and fight for them as they are up against insurmountable odds. I immediately thought about the table and how she and Emmanuel has invited each one of these kids to be guests at their table. They are fighting for these kids. They have given up everything in their lives to care for these kids. Why? Because God first loved them and invited them to the table.
God has invited each one of us to His table. He will fight for us. And He invited us to fight for others. So the question I have been asking is who are you fighting for? Who are you inviting to your table (both physically and spiritually)? Who are you caring for and building into? God is fighting for them already, but will we join Him?

Fireworks and Follies in Nigeria

I know that this story will be funny at some point (hopefully sooner rather than later), but I thought I'd share our blunder with you and let you decide for yourselves.

Last night we had our last "party" for the interns and staff here in Nigeria. We still have almost two weeks to go, but one of our interns is going home today, the Ramos family (a staff family who have been here all summer) is leaving tomorrow, and a group from Northstar Vineyard in Cincinnati is coming on Wednesday and we will all leave together on the 14th. So, it seemed like good timing to have a superhero themed party last night.

Well, the blunder came early into the evening when we decided it would be fun to light off some fireworks. One of the staff members had seen them lit off a week before somewhere close by, and she had purchased them here in Nigeria. They were the kind that shoot up into the air and then explode with a loud pop. Now, in the United States this would never be an issue, but read my post from a few days ago asking for prayer for Nigeria and you might understand where I'm headed with this. It was just a week ago that there were riots 3 hours north of here and over 400 people were killed. Last November in Jos there were riots between Muslims and Christians and a load of people were killed then as well. Our neighborhood is primarily Christian, and is on pretty high alert most of the time. Enter a bunch of Americans lighting off fireworks. It was only a few moments after we lit them off that there was a knock at the gate with a concerned...no irate...neighbor. We found out that one family didn't even bother to look outside or up in the sky, they immediately shut their lights off and layed down on the floor in case there was gunfire. And still today, after apology texts and letters from the acting director here, there have been a few phone calls from nervous neighbors.
What I've learned from this is that in Nigeria you can never be too careful with how you think about and look after those around you. An example of this is that we always wear long skirts whenever we are headed out around town or to the children's homes. It is culturally sensitive for us to do this as most women are very modest here. In the same vein, we were totally insensitive to the neighbors by not even thinking about what fireworks might mean for their fear and anxiety. I am learning...and hoping to bring this lesson back with me about being more sensitive to those around me and really thinking about how my actions might affect them.

A few pics

CLAPAI kids at a bee safari at the zoo.

This is a very typical scene in the village...mostly kids taking care of each other.

Daniel and Cynthia. They are both CLAPAI kids. Daniel is super smart and a great athlete. Cynthia is hilarious and has a great smile!!

This is Fumi. She lives at Our Ladies of Apostles (OLA) orphanage. She reads at about a 1st grade level or below, but the other day I was doing math with her and by the end of our time, she was adding double digits. It was amazing. She is a smart kid, but just hasn't had the opportunity!

Prayer for Nigeria

Hello my friends! I'm sorry that I have been out of touch for a few days. Electricity and internet are two things that are a huge blessing here when we have them. Last week our internet randomly stopped working and the service provider said we were getting an "upgrade". What that really means in Nigeria is that they might send someone out to try to fix it in a weeks time. Such is life in a third world country. So, I'm learning that little things that I take for granted every day in the US are answers to prayer and huge blessings here.

Anyway, the real reason for my post is to ask you to pray for Nigeria. There is a long list of things to pray for, but today I have a specific request. A few days ago, about 3 hours North East of where we are in Jos, there was a Muslim sect uprising against the police force. Apparently the police arrested someone and put them in jail and this particular sect became furious and attacked police. As of yesterday over 400 people had died in the uprising. Now, I don't tell you this to scare you that I am here. We have been told that there is nothing to worry about here in Jos. We have seen no signs of tension here, and if we do we will travel south to Abuja to be out of harms way. So, please don't stress. What I want you to do is to pray.

Jos is the northernmost city that is at least 50/50 Christian/Muslim. It is the base for many missionary organizations, some who are very faithful in ministering to the Muslim community. The missionaries over the past 40 years have done a fantastic job in Jos when it comes to Muslim/Christian relations and for the most part the two live peacefully together. When you go north of Jos, it is primarily Muslim. I blogged a week ago about a Muslim who converted to Christianity. It is very dangerous for someone to do this. And yet, God is appearing to these people and showing them the truth. My prayer is that God would soften the hearts of this particular Muslim sect that is causing all the trouble and show them the truth of His love and grace. Anger and bitterness comes from a heart not surrendered to God. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Gal 5:22) I cannot imagine not having these qualities in my heart, and so my heart breaks for those who are fighting God so hard that they experience the exact opposite in theirs. I can only imagine the lonliness, fear, anxiety and hate that these men and women feel on a daily basis.

Please pray with me, not only for peace in Nigeria at this time, but also for the men and women here who do not know Jesus Christ. I have seen first hand that poverty will be the death of so many, but without the hope of God, they are already dead. Please pray that they would live...and live lives that matter, lives of purpose and love.

Clean Water

So, I said I would elaborate on the bore hole...so here goes. The group from the Vineyard Church in Cincinnati that has been here with us all week is connected to both Back2Back and our partner ministry Self Sustaining Enterprises (SSE). SSE has many different aspects to it, like helping create businesses, jobs, etc...but one of the parts is drilling bore holes so that the people of Nigeria have clean water. On Thursday we were able to witness one of these drillings. It is a process to get to the depth that they need for clean water, and while we were there we never actually got that far, but we did get down to the final meters. As of today, the village has clean water.
A lot of the disease in Africa comes from the fact that there is not always clean water to drink. There are tons of parasites and other diseases that people get because they have to drink from an unclean well. Their food is washed in it. They cook with it. And the result is exactly what you can imagine. So, clean water is a necessity if the people here are ever going to be healthy. For the past few days we've been doing a medical outreach and we saw first hand the result of poor sanitation and the consumption of unclean water. It is overwhelming.
But...there is hope. The hope is that with this bore hole, (and it is the 50th charity bore hole that SSE has facilitated!!) this village will have the water that leads to life. Not only that, but recognizing it as God's provision for them, they are able to share about the living water that God brings us through Jesus Christ. So it is not only for their physical needs, but it also translates to their spiritual needs.
While we were there that day supporting the drilling process, hundreds of people from the village came out to celebrate with us. There were children running everywhere, having the time of their lives. One of my friends, Mark, was walking toward the bus when one of the men we work with stopped him. This man told Mark that these children will remember this day for the rest of their lives. Then he said that he wished that he would have had a day like this growing up. It broke my heart. These kids...these amazing kids...will remember the day that the church group from Cincinnati came to spend the day with them. They will remember the games, the singing, the laughing...for the rest of their lives.
I was also able to visit a neighboring village that got a bore hole last fall. We got to taste the water and talk to the people about how it's changed their lives. People just kept saying over and over again how great it is to be able to be healthy...and that their kids are growing up strong. I am excited for this new village...that they too will have the opportunity to be healthy. What an awesome experience!! And I think about how Jesus offers us all living water...what an amazing visual for me now of what that looks like in our lives. What an amazing God we have to want us to be healthy (physically, spiritually and emotionally). I want to drink more of this water. I want to experience more of the abundant life that God has offered. It is truly amaing!

Counting the Cost

I rarely count the cost of my faith. In America, I don't really have to. It may not be the most popular thing to be a Christian in some circles, but for the most part, people don't really care. Today I met a woman who had to count the cost. She grew up in a Muslim family and then, as expected married a Muslim man. She was lying in bed one night and was awoken by a really bright light. In the midst of her fear, not knowing what was happening, she felt God speak words of encouragement to her about Jesus. She woke her husband while it was all happening and he was confused because he didn't hear anything. When she told him what she was experiencing, and that she felt Jesus calling her, he got very angry and kicked her out of the house. As she began to grow in her faith she was put in prison for 7 years. While she was in prison, her husband took her twin boys to Saudi Arabia and told them she was dead. For the past 7 years, this amazing woman has been the head of a ministry to Muslim converts. Men and women from all over (even other countries) have come to live in this little village that supports them...they go to school (many of the Muslim women were not allowed to have educations or occupations), they have people discipling them, there are even some of these converts in Seminary learning how to be pastors.
The story is amazing of how God is still showing up in huge ways to reveal Himself and His grace to people all over the world. But what really struck me was this woman's conviction and courage in taking a leap of faith. She knew straight up that as soon as she professed Jesus as Lord in her life that she could potentially be killed. Yet she couldn't deny the power of what she saw and heard, and as she began to read the Bible, she came alive for the first time. Understand that in Islam women are property. Women have no rights. Men do not allow women free thought, education, occupation, or opinions. This woman is now living a free life in Christ, and helping others to do the same. But it did not come without cost. It came at a huge price...her family, her home, and all that she had ever known. But as she tells her testimony, a huge smile engulfs her face. Her passion is contagious. She shares with conviction and purpose...to let the world know about the power of God in Jesus Christ.
Everyday, she says, they must rely on God to provide for them. She does not have many full time supporters of the ministry, and yet, they do not go hungry. Many days food just shows up from random places. This month we have been studying the idea of God's shelter found in Psalm 91. These lives in this village are perfect illustrations of God's shelter. "Those who dwell in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
We spent the entire day today with the people of this village, many of the Muslim converts. We were there to support the drilling of a bore hole, which will provide clean water for the village. (The bore hole and water issue is a whole other blog post that I'll get to eventually). About 150 kids just showed up from all over the place to play. It was a day I will never forget.
But as I settle in for the night, there is a question that is on the front of my mind. Do we have enough trust in God to count the cost of faith? I do think there is a cost, even for those of us who live in America. I think it's a question of priority in our lives. Where do we find our shelter? Do we strive to do life on our own, or do we trust God with the details of our lives? Do we pour ourselves out for others, knowing that it might mean giving something up for ourselves? Are we willing to, as Jesus says, do for the least of these? Where is my treasure? All of these questions aim at the central point that if we are really wanting to experience God, we must lay down our lives every single day...just like these people I met today.

Birthday's and Banana Cake

Today was our first group day. The Vineyard Church in Cincinnati drove in from Abuja today and we hit the ground running. As soon as they were fed lunch and got a quick run down of our campus and how to function in our community we were off to do ministry. We went to two places today. The first was kind of a fun stop for the group...it's a "shop" called Giden Bege where they sell Nigerian skirts, outfits and purses. But the real magic is that it is not only a shop but also a ministry to widows. In Nigeria, widows are considered worthless. They cannot get great jobs and most of them really struggle to support themselves and their children. This ministry walks alongside widows and helps them to learn to sustain themselves by teaching them sewing and business skills. They give them a place to live (their building used to be a brothel and they have transformed it into apartments for the widows and work space) and over the course of a year or two teach them all they need to have a self-sustaining seamstress business. The stuff they make is just beautiful. And in Nigeria, it is common practice to wear skirts that go below the knee at all times, so it is a much needed occupation. Today it was fun to go there and watch the women get excited over the group that came to support them and make purchases.
After that stop we headed straight for CLAPAI to have a birthday party for the children who's birthdays were in May, June and July. And I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to have to share my birthday with 4 other kids on a day that isn't even my birthday. But I cannot begin to express how much these kids appreciated and reveled in the fact that it was "their turn" to be recognized. We gave them each a package with a few little toys in it, had some amazing banana cake and then had a huge balloon fest. At first some of the kids were pretty timid and seemed to not know what to do, but after about 30 minutes they were all running around like crazy with the balloons and the Americans having a blast. It does not take long to fall in love with these children. Today I was playing catch with a 12 year old (she just had a birthday) named Loveth. She has a twin sister named Lovina. When I was playing with her I asked her if she liked school. When she said yes, I moved a little bit deeper and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She told me she wanted to be a doctor. I know why. Each of these children at CLAPAI have been impacted in one way or another by the HIV virus. Either their parents have it, have died from it, or the kids have it. (Right now there is only one child at the home who is HIV positive) But it makes sense to me that Loveth wants to be a doctor. Without CLAPAI she would never even have the chance. But now she is getting an education and has people around her who believe in her. I have no doubt that it is possible. I am going to ask you to pray for her. I think about the students I work with in Cincinnati. If one of our 12 year olds walked up to me and told me they wanted to be a doctor, I'd be almost 100% positive that if that's what they wanted to do, they would do it. It's a different story for Loveth. Pray that she will make it...and make a difference in the life of someone in her shoes.