I've always been a pretty good kid. When I was growing up, I was usually the kid who was too scared to do the totally crazy, law breaking things my friends did. I didn't want to get caught. And when I did do something wrong, I would feel so guilty I usually ratted myself out. This is still true today for me...my heart hates to be in the wrong. I hate to know that I could have been better, and I hate the guilty feeling that goes with it.
Recently, I broke the law and I got caught. I know, I know...what happened to the "good kid" right? Well, my license expired on November 17 of last year. I knew it had expired, but the past 6 months has been a very busy season for me and I just didn't take the time to go get a new license. I was driving very carefully because I knew I was toast if I got pulled over. One day I was driving and I passed a police car, which very quickly got in behind me. I didn't drive more than 1/2 mile more when he flipped his lights on and I knew I was caught. I wasn't speeding, so the only explaination was that he checked my plates and found out I was driving illegally. Ouch. I did it...I was guilty...and as the feelings of guilt and anger and frustration all welled up in me I began to cry. It was a feeling I never wanted to have again.
Now, flash foward to last night. My ticket was paid...I have the cancelled check, and yet as I drove the speed limit past a police officer he pulled in behind me and gave me the lights. My heart didn't sink. I knew I was innocent...I had done nothing wrong. As he made his way to my window I was confident in my innocence and felt strong. He asked to see my license (which is new, by the way) and told me that I had an outstanding ticket and there was a warrant out under my name. Calmly I explained to the officer that I had paid the ticket, had a cancelled check and was not in violation. He took my license back to his car, ran it through and realized that they had just not changed the status on the warrant....I was free to go.
As I sat in my car last night waiting on the officer's verdict, a thought hit me. As humans, we were guilty. We had every right to carry the guilt of our sin around with us. We had every right to cry and feel frustrated at our iniquity...and the punishment of death that comes with it. UNTIL...the debt was paid. And it was...our debt (our ticket for our iniquity) was paid by Jesus Christ on the cross. And we are free...free to live without condemnation or guilt.
The problem is that there is an enemy out there who wants us to still think we are guilty. He wants us to squirm and wonder if we are forgiven. He wants us to try to pay the debt again and again when it is already marked paid. He wants us to be nervous and question our freedom. But Paul tells us in Romans, "there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." And I sat there last night thankful for the debt that was already paid. For when the accuser came after me to try to make me think I was not free, the reality hit me that I had nothing to worry about. I have a clean slate.
Thank you Jesus for paying my debt. Thank you for making me free. Thank you that I don't have to worry about being "caught"...but I am already pardoned!
