It feels good to win, doesn't it? I've been an athlete most of my life and the goal of every contest is to come out on top. After all, 2nd place is really the first loser right?
Well, as I get older and learn more about influencing and leading others, I am learning that winning isn't always as important as I thought it was. Now, I must tell you that even typing that statement was difficult for me. This is a work in progress. But in the past, I have fought tooth and nail to win an argument or prove my position or take a stand...but I'm becoming convinced that going for the win is not the right way to approach conflict or uncertainty. There is a value in compromise.
Stephen Covey, in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, says that we should think "win/win". This is seeking after mutually beneficial solutions for both parties involved. It involves looking for compromise. And it involves really giving his next habit a shot..."seek first to understand and then to be understood." I am coming to believe that this is key if you want others to respond to you with trust and respect. You must first hear them, trust them, and respect them. And they need to know you hear them. And once everyone is heard, then you can search for the best possible solution to the conflict.
Jesus takes it one step farther..." then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil 2:2-4). God asks us to put others' first. He's asking us to enter into conflict, not to win, but to honor Him and others. And we can do that if we can get away from the notion that if we don't win, we lose.
Often times there are things in our lives worth fighting for. Many things and many ideas. But it's the way you fight that makes all the difference. And it's the way you respond in the end that validates who you are in Christ and how much you value others.
This is not easy. Believe me...even this week, I have struggled with trying to listen to and validate others' ideas, even when my ideas are different. But what I'm learning is that the bigger picture is not whether we win or lose, but how we play the game!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
A week in paradise???
I am writing as one tired lady! I just got back from spending a week in Niagara, NY on a YouthWorks mission trip with jr. high students. Now, I know what most of you are thinking right now..."I'd rather gouge out an eye with a fork than spend a week with jr. highers!"...but hear me out and you might change your mind.
There are a few things about students that age that are unavoidable. They will try to talk to the opposite sex more than they talk to you (the adult). They will try to figure out ways to make you (the adult) pull your hair out. They will be loud. They will not sleep. They will cry when you take their cell phone away.
However, there are also some things about jr. high students that not many people know. They have extremely sensitive and moldable hearts. They have a thirst for adventure. They have an amazing capacity to be compassionate. They really do want to learn. They really do want to know and experience God. And they really do WANT adult leaders to love on them as well as set boundries for them to follow.
I was amazed at all of the things our kids accomplished this week. They stripped wallpaper, they painted hallways, they stained a front porch, they served food at a soup kitchen, they handed out lunches on the street corners, they hung out and entertained the elderly at senior centers, and they played with countless inner city children...all in the name of Jesus. Do you want to know what else they did? They changed. Their hearts were opened like never before to the love of Jesus Christ. They laughed and cried as they shared with us their desire to grow closer to Him and serve Him here at home. They made plans...plans to change their world.
So, was it a week in paradise? Not by the world's standards. We all slept on the floor of a run down church with no air conditioning in 80-90 degree temperatures. We spent a week working to make other's lives better instead of spending our week on the beach in Hawaii. And we experienced what it means to be the hands and feet of God to another generation of people. So, yes, I do believe it was a week in paradise! Yay God!
There are a few things about students that age that are unavoidable. They will try to talk to the opposite sex more than they talk to you (the adult). They will try to figure out ways to make you (the adult) pull your hair out. They will be loud. They will not sleep. They will cry when you take their cell phone away.
However, there are also some things about jr. high students that not many people know. They have extremely sensitive and moldable hearts. They have a thirst for adventure. They have an amazing capacity to be compassionate. They really do want to learn. They really do want to know and experience God. And they really do WANT adult leaders to love on them as well as set boundries for them to follow.
I was amazed at all of the things our kids accomplished this week. They stripped wallpaper, they painted hallways, they stained a front porch, they served food at a soup kitchen, they handed out lunches on the street corners, they hung out and entertained the elderly at senior centers, and they played with countless inner city children...all in the name of Jesus. Do you want to know what else they did? They changed. Their hearts were opened like never before to the love of Jesus Christ. They laughed and cried as they shared with us their desire to grow closer to Him and serve Him here at home. They made plans...plans to change their world.
So, was it a week in paradise? Not by the world's standards. We all slept on the floor of a run down church with no air conditioning in 80-90 degree temperatures. We spent a week working to make other's lives better instead of spending our week on the beach in Hawaii. And we experienced what it means to be the hands and feet of God to another generation of people. So, yes, I do believe it was a week in paradise! Yay God!
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