I've never had real amnesia before...forgetting my past. But tonight I realized that I have a pretty large case of Spiritual Amnesia. Let me explain. God is so gracious to me. He has spoken to me on many occasions, about many things. (For those of you who get creeped out by the idea that "God spoke to me," it's always through other people, Scripture, circumstances or the Spirit inside me sharing truth with my heart.) Anyway, I am thankful that most of the time, God speaks when I am struggling to make sense of the world or my life. It's usually when I am at the end of myself, which makes sense...we must be at the end of ourselves to even see past our own circumstances to look for more wisdom. But my issue is that God will speak, I will even write it down, and then I will forget about it and end up in a similar place again down the road. (Hence the term "amnesia".)
It's not that I want to forget His amazing truth, or His amazing grace...it's that my brain is just not good enough to hold onto it all.
It's been really frustrating for me lately, because since I've been back from Africa, I have been different. God has changed me in many ways. He has changed the way I live life and the way I view ministry. But, I feel like I am coming down from the mountain in that I have forgotten some of the things He spoke to me while I was there. And so I'm beginning to understand why the Israelites could see grand miracles and then turn right around and curse God and Moses and ask to go back to Egypt, as if God hadn't spoken to them the whole time. What I'm learning, though, is why God kept saying for them to "remember." He told them to remind each other of the great things that He did for them. And tonight, as I pulled out my journal I was able to remember the great things that God spoke to me this summer. And in all of that, He spoke again and reminded me what it was all about. All I had to do was to humble myself before Him and ask.
I love that even when we are hard-headed and have amnesia, God still speaks....and loves...and gives grace...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Living every day like it's your last...
So, I've been a little busy lately. Between running the youth program at Horizon, coaching soccer, and buying a new condo, life has been really fast paced. But in the midst of that pace, I've been doing some thinking.
I feel like I miss some days. It's not that I sleep through them, but I feel like they go by so fast that they become a blur. And so you wake up Monday morning and before you know it it's Thursday afternoon. I sometimes look back at the week and wonder where the time went. When this happens I feel like I miss some of the small things that make life totally amazing. For example, this week the temperature finally dropped and fall seemed to begin. I think it was yesterday before I even realized what had happened and was able to slow down enough to enjoy the amazing day.
Well, I began thinking about a quote that I shared with our high school students a few weeks ago. "How we live our days is how we live our lives." It began me thinking about all sorts of stuff, but here's the big one. If we live our days in a hurry and don't slow down to make time for the small ways that God whispers in our ear, the we will live our entire lives in a hurry and miss a ton that God was trying to tell us and teach us.
Since returning from Africa, this has been on my mind a lot because I feel like (apart from great friends and really great kids) the one thing I miss the most from Africa was the pace of life. I think I said in a previous post that it was not like we weren't busy. We had things to do and we lived busy lives, but the pace just seemed so different than the pace I live here at home. Here I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in 5 different directions in any one day. So, I've really made it my mission to be more intentional with my time and slow my pace. Obviously I'm not winning this battle day to day.
So, yesterday I was standing on the sideline of a soccer game I was coaching and leaned over to one of my injured players and said, "what if we lived every day like it was our last day...what would our lives look like?" She looked at me like I was a nut-job and simply said, "we'd be exhausted." Would we? Would we be more tired if we lived every day like it was our last? I don't think so. I think we would be more purposeful in how we spend our time and energy, leaving us less exhausted and more fulfilled. I think we would pick the things to do that make the most sense, and stop doing the things that just fill our time...or we would stop wasting our time. I think there would be far less arguments over stupid stuff, and far more sweet moments with our friends and families. At that point, one of my other players looked over and said, "well, I'll tell you what...I certainly wouldn't do my homework if this was my last day." And I laughed...because I probably wouldn't do mine either. :)
But the point has hit me hard and has stuck with me. I want to live every day as if it is my last day, and make the greatest impact I possibly can in the most intentional places God provides. And, at the end of it all, the reality still stands...how I live my days is how I live my life.
I feel like I miss some days. It's not that I sleep through them, but I feel like they go by so fast that they become a blur. And so you wake up Monday morning and before you know it it's Thursday afternoon. I sometimes look back at the week and wonder where the time went. When this happens I feel like I miss some of the small things that make life totally amazing. For example, this week the temperature finally dropped and fall seemed to begin. I think it was yesterday before I even realized what had happened and was able to slow down enough to enjoy the amazing day.
Well, I began thinking about a quote that I shared with our high school students a few weeks ago. "How we live our days is how we live our lives." It began me thinking about all sorts of stuff, but here's the big one. If we live our days in a hurry and don't slow down to make time for the small ways that God whispers in our ear, the we will live our entire lives in a hurry and miss a ton that God was trying to tell us and teach us.
Since returning from Africa, this has been on my mind a lot because I feel like (apart from great friends and really great kids) the one thing I miss the most from Africa was the pace of life. I think I said in a previous post that it was not like we weren't busy. We had things to do and we lived busy lives, but the pace just seemed so different than the pace I live here at home. Here I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in 5 different directions in any one day. So, I've really made it my mission to be more intentional with my time and slow my pace. Obviously I'm not winning this battle day to day.
So, yesterday I was standing on the sideline of a soccer game I was coaching and leaned over to one of my injured players and said, "what if we lived every day like it was our last day...what would our lives look like?" She looked at me like I was a nut-job and simply said, "we'd be exhausted." Would we? Would we be more tired if we lived every day like it was our last? I don't think so. I think we would be more purposeful in how we spend our time and energy, leaving us less exhausted and more fulfilled. I think we would pick the things to do that make the most sense, and stop doing the things that just fill our time...or we would stop wasting our time. I think there would be far less arguments over stupid stuff, and far more sweet moments with our friends and families. At that point, one of my other players looked over and said, "well, I'll tell you what...I certainly wouldn't do my homework if this was my last day." And I laughed...because I probably wouldn't do mine either. :)
But the point has hit me hard and has stuck with me. I want to live every day as if it is my last day, and make the greatest impact I possibly can in the most intentional places God provides. And, at the end of it all, the reality still stands...how I live my days is how I live my life.
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