But now, this is what the LORD says - he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Do not be afraid, for I am with you...

You are my witnesses, declares the LORD, and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the LORD, and apart from me there is no savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed - I, and not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses, declares teh LORD, that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days I am he." Isaiah 43:1-3, 5, 10-12

I read this and I feel very insignificant, and yet...chosen. He tells us that he summons us by name and that we are his. And then he tells us what we should be about. We are witnesses to his greatness. We are witnesses to all people about who God is and what he's about. And when I think about what that really means, I feel overwhelmed. Why is this so hard? Why do I get so distracted by this world? Why is it so easy to desire some of those "foreign gods" he talks about?

I don't really have any great answers today. All I have is questions. Because if I'm honest with myself, there is nothing more in this world that I want than to be totally sold out for and immersed in the person of God. But the reality is that life seems to get in the way of that desire. Responsibility seems to get in the way. And of course that life and those responsibilities are defined by the world, so for the most part they are a little bit off base. Maybe a lot off base. And yet, they exist just as God exist. It's a choice every day of who we will serve. And I find myself struggling with the sometimes loneliness of really being set apart. I find myself asking once again for God to show me what He really means by "being in the world and not of it."

But I also feel comforted that He tells us that we are HIS! He will be with us as we wrestle with these and so many other questions and trials. He will be with us as we walk the difficult path of working out our salvation with fear and trembling. He will be with us when it seems like the whole world is against us. Maybe that's all we need. Maybe that's all I need.

What I'm Thankful For

Thanksgiving...a day to reflect on all the blessings in our lives and focus on what we are thankful for. I find myself thinking back on the past year with a smile on my face. Lots has happened, both good and bad, and yet I have learned how faithful God really is and how exciting it is to be a part of His plan.
It was about this time last year that I was contemplating my future. I remember a conversation I had the first week of December last year with my friend Corrie while I was in Mexico. For the past 8 years or so my heart has grown more and more interested in mission work and what God is doing all over the world. I was really wrestling with the idea that we have so much here and so many people will go to bed hungry. I was wondering why God was breaking my heart for the world. It was a confusing time and I really felt lost. I loved my job working with teenagers. I really did like Cincinnati and I liked my church, although I was wondering if it might be time for me to move toward full time missions.
So Corrie and I really prayed for clarity. I had no idea in that moment where God would take me over the course of a year. In February, Corrie and her husband John moved to Nigeria from Mexico. I prayed about joining them for the summer to "get my feet wet" in more of a full time mission capacity. I applied to be an intern with Back2Back and was accepted. Still, I had no idea where God would take me in this adventure.
In June I took a group of students to Mexico and then in July I turned right around and headed to Africa. It was probably some of the best weeks of my life. I loved the culture, the people, and of course the children we were working with. And over the course of five weeks God showed me a ton...about me, about orphans and about His plan for this world. I was shocked as He not only gave me a heart for the people of Nigeria, but He gave me a deeper hurt for the kids that I work with. He shared truth with me about the lost and that we are all orphans until we come home to the Father. And He gave me vision for student ministry here in Cincinnati.
It was the opposite of what I expected. But it has been a blessing to come home and share that vision with our team and be on the ground floor of something I know God is building here. And in all of this, missions is still very deeply on my heart. Africa is still very deeply on my heart.
My hope is that I can mobilize a generation of students and their parents to care about the world. My prayer is that God will move in them to break their hearts for those who are lost and hurting. This is the hard part...because in our culture, it's so easy to just close our eyes to what is going on even in the middle of our own city. Its easy to sit in our little suburban bubble and not see past our own neighborhood. But this is why I think God brought me back here. To make sure that everyone knows what is possible.
And the opportunities keep coming. I will leave Monday for Monterrey again to build these thoughts into the lives of 25 women. In February I am going to Belize with an amazing group of doctors, nurses and others who are excited about making a difference in the world. And in June I get to take a group of students back to Mexico to impact the lives of some beautiful orphans.
My life is so blessed! So, if you want to know what I'm thankful for...it's that God takes simple lives like mine and allows me to be a part of His bigger story.
I don't know what the future holds. I'm here for now. But I do know the guy who writes the story and I'm totally confident that whatever the next chapter holds, it's going to be awesome!

Being Overwhelmed and resting

I know those two words don't go well together. "Overwhelmed" and "Resting". But I'm coming to realize that life in this world is nothing more than a challenge to balance the two successfully. It's been a super busy season for me over the past two months. There have been times where I have been running around from event to event or meeting to meeting and there is no break. It seems some days like I need more than the 24 hours that God has given us in each day to make sure everything on my list got done. Most of the time, everything does not get done. There have been moments of fear because the last thing I want to do is let anyone or anything slip through the cracks. But in all of it there has also been tremendous joy in the work that God has blessed me with and the people He has surrounded me with.

So the other day I was just thinking...how can we balance the reality of us getting overwhelmed with all that is pulling at us in life with the reality that God gives us rest? I'm not sure there are many quick and easy answers to this question, but here is where God has been leading me with it all. There is a difference between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of this world. In the kingdom of this world we are pressed on all sides. There is always another task to do, another person to meet with, or another errand to run. This will always be so. The enemy loves to keep us busy...because as long as we are running around like crazy with deadlines and appointments and whatever else, we cannot spend time hearing from and focusing on God. The Kingdom of God has a very different agenda attached to it. In Psalm 46:10 it says, "Be still and know that I am God." Many of us have heard this passage before in reference to taking a bit of a sabbath and resting in the knowledge that God is Lord and has everything in control. We know that God speaks in the silence and quietness of rest. However, the rest of that verse hit me when I read it. It says "I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth." This brings a bit more power to the theme of God being God. And it brings a bit more focus to the purpose of our days. When I think about my day to day, I ask myself the question of how much of it is focused on the main thing? The main thing is that God is exalted and glorified in the earth. What I'm finding is that the days where I am getting overwhelmed are the days when my focus is more on me than on Him. The days when I find rest are the days when my focus is more on Him than on me.
Remember, He WILL be exalted...regardless of what I do. But His invitation for me is to find rest in the simple quietness and stillness of His presence. And then, I have the strength to go out and face the kingdom of this world with a more focused mindset. In that mindset, I'm able to recognize that it's God working and not me...and if I ask Him, He will direct my steps to the tasks that are most necessary for the day...keeping me from getting overwhelmed by the pace of this world.

Spiritual Amnesia

I've never had real amnesia before...forgetting my past. But tonight I realized that I have a pretty large case of Spiritual Amnesia. Let me explain. God is so gracious to me. He has spoken to me on many occasions, about many things. (For those of you who get creeped out by the idea that "God spoke to me," it's always through other people, Scripture, circumstances or the Spirit inside me sharing truth with my heart.) Anyway, I am thankful that most of the time, God speaks when I am struggling to make sense of the world or my life. It's usually when I am at the end of myself, which makes sense...we must be at the end of ourselves to even see past our own circumstances to look for more wisdom. But my issue is that God will speak, I will even write it down, and then I will forget about it and end up in a similar place again down the road. (Hence the term "amnesia".)

It's not that I want to forget His amazing truth, or His amazing grace...it's that my brain is just not good enough to hold onto it all.

It's been really frustrating for me lately, because since I've been back from Africa, I have been different. God has changed me in many ways. He has changed the way I live life and the way I view ministry. But, I feel like I am coming down from the mountain in that I have forgotten some of the things He spoke to me while I was there. And so I'm beginning to understand why the Israelites could see grand miracles and then turn right around and curse God and Moses and ask to go back to Egypt, as if God hadn't spoken to them the whole time. What I'm learning, though, is why God kept saying for them to "remember." He told them to remind each other of the great things that He did for them. And tonight, as I pulled out my journal I was able to remember the great things that God spoke to me this summer. And in all of that, He spoke again and reminded me what it was all about. All I had to do was to humble myself before Him and ask.

I love that even when we are hard-headed and have amnesia, God still speaks....and loves...and gives grace...

Living every day like it's your last...

So, I've been a little busy lately. Between running the youth program at Horizon, coaching soccer, and buying a new condo, life has been really fast paced. But in the midst of that pace, I've been doing some thinking.
I feel like I miss some days. It's not that I sleep through them, but I feel like they go by so fast that they become a blur. And so you wake up Monday morning and before you know it it's Thursday afternoon. I sometimes look back at the week and wonder where the time went. When this happens I feel like I miss some of the small things that make life totally amazing. For example, this week the temperature finally dropped and fall seemed to begin. I think it was yesterday before I even realized what had happened and was able to slow down enough to enjoy the amazing day.
Well, I began thinking about a quote that I shared with our high school students a few weeks ago. "How we live our days is how we live our lives." It began me thinking about all sorts of stuff, but here's the big one. If we live our days in a hurry and don't slow down to make time for the small ways that God whispers in our ear, the we will live our entire lives in a hurry and miss a ton that God was trying to tell us and teach us.
Since returning from Africa, this has been on my mind a lot because I feel like (apart from great friends and really great kids) the one thing I miss the most from Africa was the pace of life. I think I said in a previous post that it was not like we weren't busy. We had things to do and we lived busy lives, but the pace just seemed so different than the pace I live here at home. Here I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in 5 different directions in any one day. So, I've really made it my mission to be more intentional with my time and slow my pace. Obviously I'm not winning this battle day to day.
So, yesterday I was standing on the sideline of a soccer game I was coaching and leaned over to one of my injured players and said, "what if we lived every day like it was our last day...what would our lives look like?" She looked at me like I was a nut-job and simply said, "we'd be exhausted." Would we? Would we be more tired if we lived every day like it was our last? I don't think so. I think we would be more purposeful in how we spend our time and energy, leaving us less exhausted and more fulfilled. I think we would pick the things to do that make the most sense, and stop doing the things that just fill our time...or we would stop wasting our time. I think there would be far less arguments over stupid stuff, and far more sweet moments with our friends and families. At that point, one of my other players looked over and said, "well, I'll tell you what...I certainly wouldn't do my homework if this was my last day." And I laughed...because I probably wouldn't do mine either. :)
But the point has hit me hard and has stuck with me. I want to live every day as if it is my last day, and make the greatest impact I possibly can in the most intentional places God provides. And, at the end of it all, the reality still stands...how I live my days is how I live my life.

Seeing Clearly

I read a book while I was in Nigeria called "Soul Cravings" by Erwin McManus. I am a big fan of Erwin, and it's not just because he has a sweet name. It's because I really appreciate his speaking and writing. He always challenges me to go a bit deeper and think on a different level. This week I have been thumbing back through Soul Cravings because I am going to reference it in a talk to high school students this weekend about community.

I just wanted to share one quote with you. He is talking about how there is no such thing as a perfect community. Duh! Of course not...because we are all flawed so as soon as we join into a community it is automatically flawed. But because of this imperfection, he says, "it's easier to be patient with people when you realize they're being patient with you." I think that is a brilliant statement. I remember reading this about 2 weeks in to living in a house with 14 other people in Africa. I remember thinking..."Amen, brother!" as I recalled how I had to be patient with one of my new friends over something and realized that she was being pateint with me over the same issue. We just saw things differently.

But now I've been back home for over 2 weeks. I have been back in my apartment where I live alone and once I walk in that door only have to be patient with myself. And I've noticed myself being less patient with the people in my life when I am not consistently confronted with community living and constantly pushed to be patient with others. It bums me out because my desire is to love the people around me well, but my selfishness does rear its ugly head at times when I don't necessarily get what I want. I don't think anyone else would even notice, but I notice. I feel it in my gut when I know I should be giving grace and in my spirit I am frustrated or angry or feeling put off by something someone else did.

So today I am reminded that nobody is perfect and that we are all on this journey called life...where we are so blessed to have the opportunity to walk together in it. My prayer today is that God would help me to see from someone elses' shoes. And that He would make me aware of my shortcomings that others have to deal with, which inevitably makes me more patient when I notice someone elses shortcomings. Thank you God that you are so patient with me.

Life in Transition

Sorry for being slack in not posting this week, but it's been a busy time trying to transition back to what I used to call "normal life." The reason I say "used to" is because I'm coming to realize that there is no such thing as normal life...and I'm really glad about that. The transition back to the States has been easy in some ways and tremendously difficult in others. As far as settling back into the comforts of home...not a problem. It was not tough to turn my air conditioner on and tuck myself into my nice, soft bed. It was not tough to brush my teeth and stick my toothbrush under the water for the first time in 5 weeks. It was not tough to clean up my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. What has been tough is to drive around and be reminded of the tremendous wealth in our country...and think about the friends I left in Nigeria who don't have running water or electricity...and it becomes a lot to process. It's been hard knowing that God has changed my heart in many ways and I'm very curious of how those changes fit into the life I left. It's been tough to walk back into life changed and know that many people don't understand why you aren't the same. They aren't critical of the change, in fact, many are very supportive, but that doesn't mean they understand. It is also tough to try to explain the experience I had in Nigeria to others and really try to help them understand all that God showed me and spoke into my life. I always tell our students that they need to have one or two short stories ready that give a glimpse of what they experienced on a mission trip. I tell them people will ask, but because those people have not had the experience they might not understand your excitement and they aren't going to want to listen to a 2 hour dissertation on Mexico or poverty or how a small orphan child can rock your boat and change your world. This week, more than ever before, I understand why I tell students this. It's not that people don't want to hear...but more than that, I cannot condense all that I experienced over the past 5 weeks into a short conversation. I honestly haven't even made it through processing it all in my own brain, let alone try to explain to someone else what I think or feel or have experienced.
But one thing I am learning is that life is not "normal". I had to go half way around to world to realize that normal is not something to strive for. God is much bigger than normal. And if our lives begin to be what we would consider normal, we are probably settling for much less than what God has designed for us. Normal means we aren't out of our comfort zones. Normal means we are just going along with the culture and aren't rocking the boat. God never intended for us to be normal. He intends for us to be set apart and radical. He intends to shake up our lives and surprise us with His grace, His mercy, and His plan. So, I like that my life is no longer normal. I like that I am expectant of what God will do next and excited to be, as C.S. Lewis says, surprised by joy. I'm glad that God is gracious enough to shake it up. I hope your life is never normal.

Coming Home

Well, tomorrow is the day.  We will board a plane tomorrow afternoon and head back to Cincinnati.  I have mixed emotions as we attempted a bit of closure this afternoon.  I have great anticipation of coming home and diving back into coaching and ministry, and at the same time I have a well of sadness about leaving what has been home for the past 5 weeks.  I have a lot to process as I think about all that I've experienced while being here.  God has shown up in some big ways.  I have been able to participate in some great ministry as well as have some very intimate time with God.  I cannot begin to tell you all that God has shown me during this time right now, but I will continue to process and share what I can.  One thing that I am confident of is that God is calling me to stay put in Cincinnati.  I know some of you were probably wondering if this trip would surface a calling to full time missions in Africa.  I'm not going to say that at some point in my life that is not going to happen, but for now, I believe with my whole heart that He has called me to Horizon and the students in Indian Hill, Mariemont, Madeira and Anderson.  I am excited about this.  It's not that I didn't have an amazing time while being here in Africa.  I am excited about continuing our relationship here and I'm hoping to at some point bring our college students and maybe some adults from Horizon here to experience a glimpse of what I have.  (Sorry Phil, I know you said not to get excited about that, but I really am.)  I think the perspective that I've gained about poverty, God's heart for the lost, and our role in all of it is so valuable.  I've also gained some huge perspective about who I am in Christ and my role in this crazy world.  I want to invite you all to pray for me and with me as I transition back to the US.  Also please pray for our flights tomorrow.  We have a 9 hour flight from Abuja, Nigeria to Frankfurt.  Then we have another 9 hour flight back to Chicago.  I will arrive in to Cincinnati Saturday evening. Thanks for all of your prayer while I've been here, it's been the most amazing experience of my life.  

What's In A Name??

I don't think often about my name. In fact, it's not all that often that people even call my by my first name. I'm not sure when this started happening, but for the most part, people are pretty content calling me "Rudge" and don't use Amy. I don't mind, it identifies me right?

After yesterday I have been thinking a lot about my name. Amy means "Beloved". I love that! I am assuming that my parents knew that when they named me, but maybe not. A lot of the time in our culture, we are named because our parents thought it sounded cool or they knew someone by that name and they liked it. I've heard it said that the best way to pick a name for your kid is to yell it off the back porch to make sure it sounds good when you are trying to get your kid to come home for dinner. But a name means a lot, and I love mine. For me it is prophecy. I know I am the beloved of God and it makes me smile when I think about what I am named.

Yesterday, we did a food ourtreach in one of the villages. We walked from house to house (hut to hut) and gave out rice, beans and oil. We also asked the people if we could pray for them. We had a translator with us named Daniel because this village spoke mostly Recuba, which is a village language here. As we asked people for prayer requests I would also ask them for their name so that we could pray for them by name. What I found was that a lot of the meanings for the names that we heard were not uplifting. One little boy's name meant "death". He was an adorable 4 year old who has his entire life ahead of him and he will carry that name with him. Another man's name meant "wayward." Apparently before he was born his mother lost 3 children at birth and so she named him wayward assuming that she would lose him as well. He was now over 50 years old and still carries that name.

As I was walking and talking with Daniel, he said that in his education his University did a research project looking at as many African languages as possible and they could not find a word for "future." He said that from what he knows, the word does not exist in Africa. That blows my mind. There is a concept for the future...like tomorrow or the next week, but it does not carry the meaning that our language gives to the concept of a future. I think about the students that I do ministry with in Cincinnati and they are told from the time they are very young that there is a future out there waiting for them. For the most part they are encouraged to go out and make the most of themselves, encouraged to do great things. Just listen to a commencement speech, whether 5th grade, 8th grade or high school, and you will understand what I am talking about. In this village, though, there is such a lack of hope. There are very few who look toward the future with any kind of expectation of great things. This is a huge thing that needs to change here. There needs to be a word that depicts moving from despair to hope. There needs to be encouragement that there is more than being born, being hungry, having children, getting sick and dying. Then maybe the names they give their children will be more like "beloved" or "hope." Then maybe the world will look a little brighter for the children of Africa.

At The Table

While I've been here I've been reading a book about looking at the life of Jesus from a Jewish perspective. One of the things that the authors have hit on is the idea of hospitality in the Middle East (which is also true in Africa, by the way). In these cultures, being invited to dinner was a big deal. It signified friendship and intimacy and ultimately it was one person inviting another to live deeply together. As soon as the guest would step onto the person's property, that other person would take full responsibility for the guest's life. They would fight for you. Being invited to the table was being invited to live in the shelter of someone else.
This summer we have been talking a lot about God's shelter. In Psalm 91 God tells us that we are invited to live in His shelter. "Those who dwell in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (Ps 91:1-2) But there is something else that I'm learning. In Psalm 23:5 David says, "You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Essentially God is telling us that when we come to His table, and we are all invited, He is our protection. He will fight for us.
On Friday night we had the CLAPAI kids over to our house for a celebration dinner. It was the last week of school for them before break and we wanted to honor them for a year of academic achievement. (Just as an aside, we cooked a goat...which I did not taste because we cooked the ENTIRE goat and it grossed me out). We made them certificates and the director called them up one by one and commended them for all they had accomplished this year. But as each one came up she shared a little bit about what they had been going through this year. Here is a snippet. Bincham has HIV. Godya met her father for the first time this year (she is 9) and he is a Muslim, and she doesn't want to be a Muslim. Lucky and Endurance are left alone for days at a time and have to fend for themselves. All of them have been impacted in one way or another by HIV. And as they came up one by one, Kyenpiya was talking about how we must pray for them and fight for them as they are up against insurmountable odds. I immediately thought about the table and how she and Emmanuel has invited each one of these kids to be guests at their table. They are fighting for these kids. They have given up everything in their lives to care for these kids. Why? Because God first loved them and invited them to the table.
God has invited each one of us to His table. He will fight for us. And He invited us to fight for others. So the question I have been asking is who are you fighting for? Who are you inviting to your table (both physically and spiritually)? Who are you caring for and building into? God is fighting for them already, but will we join Him?

Fireworks and Follies in Nigeria

I know that this story will be funny at some point (hopefully sooner rather than later), but I thought I'd share our blunder with you and let you decide for yourselves.

Last night we had our last "party" for the interns and staff here in Nigeria. We still have almost two weeks to go, but one of our interns is going home today, the Ramos family (a staff family who have been here all summer) is leaving tomorrow, and a group from Northstar Vineyard in Cincinnati is coming on Wednesday and we will all leave together on the 14th. So, it seemed like good timing to have a superhero themed party last night.

Well, the blunder came early into the evening when we decided it would be fun to light off some fireworks. One of the staff members had seen them lit off a week before somewhere close by, and she had purchased them here in Nigeria. They were the kind that shoot up into the air and then explode with a loud pop. Now, in the United States this would never be an issue, but read my post from a few days ago asking for prayer for Nigeria and you might understand where I'm headed with this. It was just a week ago that there were riots 3 hours north of here and over 400 people were killed. Last November in Jos there were riots between Muslims and Christians and a load of people were killed then as well. Our neighborhood is primarily Christian, and is on pretty high alert most of the time. Enter a bunch of Americans lighting off fireworks. It was only a few moments after we lit them off that there was a knock at the gate with a concerned...no irate...neighbor. We found out that one family didn't even bother to look outside or up in the sky, they immediately shut their lights off and layed down on the floor in case there was gunfire. And still today, after apology texts and letters from the acting director here, there have been a few phone calls from nervous neighbors.
What I've learned from this is that in Nigeria you can never be too careful with how you think about and look after those around you. An example of this is that we always wear long skirts whenever we are headed out around town or to the children's homes. It is culturally sensitive for us to do this as most women are very modest here. In the same vein, we were totally insensitive to the neighbors by not even thinking about what fireworks might mean for their fear and anxiety. I am learning...and hoping to bring this lesson back with me about being more sensitive to those around me and really thinking about how my actions might affect them.

A few pics

CLAPAI kids at a bee safari at the zoo.

This is a very typical scene in the village...mostly kids taking care of each other.

Daniel and Cynthia. They are both CLAPAI kids. Daniel is super smart and a great athlete. Cynthia is hilarious and has a great smile!!

This is Fumi. She lives at Our Ladies of Apostles (OLA) orphanage. She reads at about a 1st grade level or below, but the other day I was doing math with her and by the end of our time, she was adding double digits. It was amazing. She is a smart kid, but just hasn't had the opportunity!

Prayer for Nigeria

Hello my friends! I'm sorry that I have been out of touch for a few days. Electricity and internet are two things that are a huge blessing here when we have them. Last week our internet randomly stopped working and the service provider said we were getting an "upgrade". What that really means in Nigeria is that they might send someone out to try to fix it in a weeks time. Such is life in a third world country. So, I'm learning that little things that I take for granted every day in the US are answers to prayer and huge blessings here.

Anyway, the real reason for my post is to ask you to pray for Nigeria. There is a long list of things to pray for, but today I have a specific request. A few days ago, about 3 hours North East of where we are in Jos, there was a Muslim sect uprising against the police force. Apparently the police arrested someone and put them in jail and this particular sect became furious and attacked police. As of yesterday over 400 people had died in the uprising. Now, I don't tell you this to scare you that I am here. We have been told that there is nothing to worry about here in Jos. We have seen no signs of tension here, and if we do we will travel south to Abuja to be out of harms way. So, please don't stress. What I want you to do is to pray.

Jos is the northernmost city that is at least 50/50 Christian/Muslim. It is the base for many missionary organizations, some who are very faithful in ministering to the Muslim community. The missionaries over the past 40 years have done a fantastic job in Jos when it comes to Muslim/Christian relations and for the most part the two live peacefully together. When you go north of Jos, it is primarily Muslim. I blogged a week ago about a Muslim who converted to Christianity. It is very dangerous for someone to do this. And yet, God is appearing to these people and showing them the truth. My prayer is that God would soften the hearts of this particular Muslim sect that is causing all the trouble and show them the truth of His love and grace. Anger and bitterness comes from a heart not surrendered to God. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Gal 5:22) I cannot imagine not having these qualities in my heart, and so my heart breaks for those who are fighting God so hard that they experience the exact opposite in theirs. I can only imagine the lonliness, fear, anxiety and hate that these men and women feel on a daily basis.

Please pray with me, not only for peace in Nigeria at this time, but also for the men and women here who do not know Jesus Christ. I have seen first hand that poverty will be the death of so many, but without the hope of God, they are already dead. Please pray that they would live...and live lives that matter, lives of purpose and love.

Clean Water

So, I said I would elaborate on the bore hole...so here goes. The group from the Vineyard Church in Cincinnati that has been here with us all week is connected to both Back2Back and our partner ministry Self Sustaining Enterprises (SSE). SSE has many different aspects to it, like helping create businesses, jobs, etc...but one of the parts is drilling bore holes so that the people of Nigeria have clean water. On Thursday we were able to witness one of these drillings. It is a process to get to the depth that they need for clean water, and while we were there we never actually got that far, but we did get down to the final meters. As of today, the village has clean water.
A lot of the disease in Africa comes from the fact that there is not always clean water to drink. There are tons of parasites and other diseases that people get because they have to drink from an unclean well. Their food is washed in it. They cook with it. And the result is exactly what you can imagine. So, clean water is a necessity if the people here are ever going to be healthy. For the past few days we've been doing a medical outreach and we saw first hand the result of poor sanitation and the consumption of unclean water. It is overwhelming.
But...there is hope. The hope is that with this bore hole, (and it is the 50th charity bore hole that SSE has facilitated!!) this village will have the water that leads to life. Not only that, but recognizing it as God's provision for them, they are able to share about the living water that God brings us through Jesus Christ. So it is not only for their physical needs, but it also translates to their spiritual needs.
While we were there that day supporting the drilling process, hundreds of people from the village came out to celebrate with us. There were children running everywhere, having the time of their lives. One of my friends, Mark, was walking toward the bus when one of the men we work with stopped him. This man told Mark that these children will remember this day for the rest of their lives. Then he said that he wished that he would have had a day like this growing up. It broke my heart. These kids...these amazing kids...will remember the day that the church group from Cincinnati came to spend the day with them. They will remember the games, the singing, the laughing...for the rest of their lives.
I was also able to visit a neighboring village that got a bore hole last fall. We got to taste the water and talk to the people about how it's changed their lives. People just kept saying over and over again how great it is to be able to be healthy...and that their kids are growing up strong. I am excited for this new village...that they too will have the opportunity to be healthy. What an awesome experience!! And I think about how Jesus offers us all living water...what an amazing visual for me now of what that looks like in our lives. What an amazing God we have to want us to be healthy (physically, spiritually and emotionally). I want to drink more of this water. I want to experience more of the abundant life that God has offered. It is truly amaing!

Counting the Cost

I rarely count the cost of my faith. In America, I don't really have to. It may not be the most popular thing to be a Christian in some circles, but for the most part, people don't really care. Today I met a woman who had to count the cost. She grew up in a Muslim family and then, as expected married a Muslim man. She was lying in bed one night and was awoken by a really bright light. In the midst of her fear, not knowing what was happening, she felt God speak words of encouragement to her about Jesus. She woke her husband while it was all happening and he was confused because he didn't hear anything. When she told him what she was experiencing, and that she felt Jesus calling her, he got very angry and kicked her out of the house. As she began to grow in her faith she was put in prison for 7 years. While she was in prison, her husband took her twin boys to Saudi Arabia and told them she was dead. For the past 7 years, this amazing woman has been the head of a ministry to Muslim converts. Men and women from all over (even other countries) have come to live in this little village that supports them...they go to school (many of the Muslim women were not allowed to have educations or occupations), they have people discipling them, there are even some of these converts in Seminary learning how to be pastors.
The story is amazing of how God is still showing up in huge ways to reveal Himself and His grace to people all over the world. But what really struck me was this woman's conviction and courage in taking a leap of faith. She knew straight up that as soon as she professed Jesus as Lord in her life that she could potentially be killed. Yet she couldn't deny the power of what she saw and heard, and as she began to read the Bible, she came alive for the first time. Understand that in Islam women are property. Women have no rights. Men do not allow women free thought, education, occupation, or opinions. This woman is now living a free life in Christ, and helping others to do the same. But it did not come without cost. It came at a huge price...her family, her home, and all that she had ever known. But as she tells her testimony, a huge smile engulfs her face. Her passion is contagious. She shares with conviction and purpose...to let the world know about the power of God in Jesus Christ.
Everyday, she says, they must rely on God to provide for them. She does not have many full time supporters of the ministry, and yet, they do not go hungry. Many days food just shows up from random places. This month we have been studying the idea of God's shelter found in Psalm 91. These lives in this village are perfect illustrations of God's shelter. "Those who dwell in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
We spent the entire day today with the people of this village, many of the Muslim converts. We were there to support the drilling of a bore hole, which will provide clean water for the village. (The bore hole and water issue is a whole other blog post that I'll get to eventually). About 150 kids just showed up from all over the place to play. It was a day I will never forget.
But as I settle in for the night, there is a question that is on the front of my mind. Do we have enough trust in God to count the cost of faith? I do think there is a cost, even for those of us who live in America. I think it's a question of priority in our lives. Where do we find our shelter? Do we strive to do life on our own, or do we trust God with the details of our lives? Do we pour ourselves out for others, knowing that it might mean giving something up for ourselves? Are we willing to, as Jesus says, do for the least of these? Where is my treasure? All of these questions aim at the central point that if we are really wanting to experience God, we must lay down our lives every single day...just like these people I met today.

Birthday's and Banana Cake

Today was our first group day. The Vineyard Church in Cincinnati drove in from Abuja today and we hit the ground running. As soon as they were fed lunch and got a quick run down of our campus and how to function in our community we were off to do ministry. We went to two places today. The first was kind of a fun stop for the group...it's a "shop" called Giden Bege where they sell Nigerian skirts, outfits and purses. But the real magic is that it is not only a shop but also a ministry to widows. In Nigeria, widows are considered worthless. They cannot get great jobs and most of them really struggle to support themselves and their children. This ministry walks alongside widows and helps them to learn to sustain themselves by teaching them sewing and business skills. They give them a place to live (their building used to be a brothel and they have transformed it into apartments for the widows and work space) and over the course of a year or two teach them all they need to have a self-sustaining seamstress business. The stuff they make is just beautiful. And in Nigeria, it is common practice to wear skirts that go below the knee at all times, so it is a much needed occupation. Today it was fun to go there and watch the women get excited over the group that came to support them and make purchases.
After that stop we headed straight for CLAPAI to have a birthday party for the children who's birthdays were in May, June and July. And I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to have to share my birthday with 4 other kids on a day that isn't even my birthday. But I cannot begin to express how much these kids appreciated and reveled in the fact that it was "their turn" to be recognized. We gave them each a package with a few little toys in it, had some amazing banana cake and then had a huge balloon fest. At first some of the kids were pretty timid and seemed to not know what to do, but after about 30 minutes they were all running around like crazy with the balloons and the Americans having a blast. It does not take long to fall in love with these children. Today I was playing catch with a 12 year old (she just had a birthday) named Loveth. She has a twin sister named Lovina. When I was playing with her I asked her if she liked school. When she said yes, I moved a little bit deeper and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She told me she wanted to be a doctor. I know why. Each of these children at CLAPAI have been impacted in one way or another by the HIV virus. Either their parents have it, have died from it, or the kids have it. (Right now there is only one child at the home who is HIV positive) But it makes sense to me that Loveth wants to be a doctor. Without CLAPAI she would never even have the chance. But now she is getting an education and has people around her who believe in her. I have no doubt that it is possible. I am going to ask you to pray for her. I think about the students I work with in Cincinnati. If one of our 12 year olds walked up to me and told me they wanted to be a doctor, I'd be almost 100% positive that if that's what they wanted to do, they would do it. It's a different story for Loveth. Pray that she will make it...and make a difference in the life of someone in her shoes.

Whatever I have

As my mind has been full and my heart heavy with the idea that there are so many children who are not taken care of, I ran across something yesterday that I wanted to share.  In Acts 3, Peter and John are walking into the temple courts and they see a man lame from birth who is begging at the gate.  Peter calls out to him and says, "Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you." (Acts 3:6)  And then they healed the man in the name of Jesus Christ.  

I thought about that for a while.  I do not have very much silver and gold to give.  (i.e. money) But God is not asking for me to always give money...God is asking for all of us to give what we have.  Right now what I have to give is my time and my love.  It's my forgiveness and grace.  It's my desire to pick up a small child and hug them, to let them know that they matter in the grand scheme of things.  It's to smile at a man in the street and say hello...and really look him in the eye to let him know that I value him.  It's to serve someone in our house without asking for them to serve me back, just to let them know that I love them.  

I don't know what it might be for you or what you have to give.  But I think that God really does ask us to give it away, whatever that is.  And in turn, what I'm finding is that we receive much more than we could ever give.  Remember that when help someone in need we are really serving Christ.  So, go do it.  Today...give what you have to those around  you!

Abandoned

I've been thinking a lot about abandonment today.  We were driving around Jos, going to a few different pharmacies to get medicine for a medical outreach day with the Vineyard next week.  The pharmacies were a whole new world, as you can walk in off the street and pretty much ask for any kind of medicine and if they have it I'm not sure you need any kind of prescription to get it.  We have a medical student with us and he knew quite a bit about what we needed.  

Anyway, we were sitting in the car at one of these stops and a little boy came up and waved at our windows.  Our driver Alfonsis (not sure on the spelling of his name), eventually rolled the window down, gave this little boy some money and then began to tell us about him.  He said that there were virtually hundreds of these kids all over Jos, and it's the same in every city.  Their parents will bring them here from another village and just leave them to beg.  They will never go to a school, never get an education, have no place to live, and spend their days begging for money so they can buy food.  My heart began to break.  I asked Alfonsis about the police...do they do anything to help...is it illegal for parents to do this to their children...is there anybody who cares???  His answer made my heart hurt even more.  He said that there are no child protection laws, or if there are, nobody cares to follow them.  He said that a woman can have a baby and just toss the child away if she desires, and nobody will do anything.  We talked a little bit about the neglect laws in the States, and although they are far from perfect, at least someone takes an interest in the well-being of the children.  We saw many children today, just walking around the streets from Jos, virtually abandoned.

And then I read this..."For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes.  He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. (Deut. 10:17-18)  He defends the cause of the fatherless.  I know there is justice because we serve a God who is just.  I know there is someone looking out for these children because our God looks out for everyone.  I know that this life is not all there is and that there will be a day when the Lord does bring justice and peace to all of these hurting children.  But for today, I am struggling in the reality of the here and now...and it seems like an insurmountable task to provide for all of these children.  So I will pray and I will do whatever I can to help in whatever small way God has called me.  And my hope is that others will do the same, wherever they are.

  (And for those of you at home, I also found out today that Nigeria does not allow international adoption, so if you were afraid I'd come home with one of these children...put your fears to rest.) 

Arriving

I'm here!! It was a long trip, and I'm just trying to take it all in one minute at a time, but this place is amazing. We spent over 24 hours in travel...from Cincinnati to Chicago to Frankfurt to Abuja. In Chicago I had a 5 hour layover so Pete and Jocelyn picked me up from the airport and we got lunch. It was a huge surprise to be able to see them before I left. When I got on the plane I met Zak and Emily. I was relieved to see that they were sitting right next to me...which means I didn't have to search very hard for the other two people that were coming to Nigeria. (I believe there was supposed to be one more with us who dropped out at the last minute for one reason or another). Anyway, after an 8 hour flight, a 4 hour layover and another 9 hour flight we landed in Abuja. From the beginning it was "welcome to Nigeria" with a convenient (read the sarcasm here) power outage while we were standing in line for immigration. But it was soon over and we got through customs with no problems. We spent the night in a Baptist guest house in Abuja and got up this morning to travel the 3 hours to Jos.
I can't describe the scenes between Abuja and Jos. Abuja is a bustling city with people moving everywhere. Most looked like they has some sort of purpose. The traffic is something like I've never seen. There are lines in the road but nobody really follows them...sometimes there were 3 cars in two lanes. Honking is a must because it lets the person know you are coming from behind. There are no crosswalks and people just walk out into the street...and surprisingly enough they don't die.
Anyway, as soon as you leave the big city, everything changes. There are shacks and huts and small places of business that line the road. And people walking around everywhere. Little motorcycles are everywhere (which are actually "taxis" and are not allowed within city limits so they stay outside the city.) The picture that sticks in my mind is one of the little taxis carrying a woman who had a sash around her body and a baby in the sash on her back. No helmets, just riding along, with cars dashing in and out of the lanes, passing the cycle with no more than 5 feet in between. As we sped past, I looked out of the window and this beautiful little boy looked at us. He was georgous. And I fell in love without even knowing him. The people here are beautiful. I cannot wait to meet the people in the village and the children in the homes.
Once we got here we had lunch and then training...I'm not sure I heard half of it because by this point my eyes were kind of glassed over. I think it's time for some rest. Tonight is down time and then tomorrow we get to go to CLAPAI, a school that we work with. Next week the Vineyard is coming with 15 people....so excited to be a part of it. Thanks for all your prayers!!

One Day

So it's less than 24 hours until I get on a plane headed for Nigeria! I am so excited to be there...but there is almost 24 hours of travel time standing in the way of me stepping foot in Africa. Let me tell you how much I love to fly...NOT AT ALL!! I used to be terrified of the entire process. Now I am only really afraid of the taking off and landing parts...the parts when I'm closest to the ground, moving at high speeds. It just doesn't seem very safe. But is hanging out in Africa safe either?

This summer, Back2Back's theme for ministry is "Shelter" from Psalm 91. Here are the first two verses....
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

If God is truly my shelter, than what do I have to fear? The reality is that we have nothing to fear at all in this life if we trust in God as soverign. This has been on my mind since February when I decided God was leading me to Nigeria this summer. At first there was a little bit of fear in my heart...fear in the unknown and in me confronting the unknown head on. But God has gently whispered to me time and again since then that I have nothing to fear. Does this mean that I won't get hurt or that nothing bad will ever happen? Not at all. This world is a mess and devistating things happen every day all around us. But it means that I trust my life to God and know that eternity is forever. I am confident as a daughter of God and I know that whatever happens to me is all a part of God's plan.

I think of Paul and him saying, "To live is Christ and to die is gain." I get that. If I am going to continue to live on this earth it's going to be giving myself away in the name of Christ, because nothing is more important than that. And if I were to die today, I would be face to face with my Savior...how awesome is that????!!!!!

I'm not sure we are "safe" no matter where we are. Even driving a car is more dangerous than most of us realize on a daily basis. But when we are resting in God's shelter, we are secure. He will take care of us and lead us in the right direction, wherever that might take us!!

See you all on the other side!!

Preparation

Well, it's one week and counting until I get on a plane bound for Nigeria. There are so many things swimming around in my tiny brain, and just trying to keep them straight has been a challenge. I still need to pack. I still need to shop before I pack...you know, for the small stuff - a flashlight (which I'm not sure how I've gone 5 years in Cincinnati without one, but whatever), snacks (I'm quite sure I will be eating a lot of Cliff bars), bug spray (which I have found does not come in 100% deet at any of your local stores...now I'm needing to find a specialty store), and other random odds and ends.
But this is not where most of my energy is going right now. I've been on many mission trips in the past, so I'm pretty sure figuring out what to pack is the least of my worries. On the top of the list this week is making sure everything will be covered at home while I'm gone and spending some time just being quiet before I leave. The "being quiet" part has been the most difficult...mainly because I'm having trouble finding the time. Youth ministry is always busy. Summer, when you'd think everything would slow down a little bit, has been crazy so far. And with my type A personality, there are always kids to hang out with, people to see and things to do. So, I guess my prayer today is that I would put aside the things that aren't urgent and find that time to be quiet. I am always blessed when I do it, and I know with this huge trip ahead I'm going to need it.

Transparency

So, I have these new downstairs neighbors. It is a mom and her daughter, who happens to be a sophomore at Walnut Hills. (Man I love high school students). When they first moved in a few months ago they were asking me if I liked living in our apartment complex. I was honest with them and said that I liked my apartment very much, but my biggest complaint was actually my old downstairs neighbors. They were totally obnoxious...they would play loud bass music really late and they always had people there yelling and screaming all the time. She seemed relieved for me that they were no longer there and assured me that the only loud music coming from her apartment would be gospel. I breathed a sigh of relief right then and there...a Christian family...awesome!! She then asked me what I did for a living and I told her I worked as a youth pastor. A huge grin lit across her face as she introduced me to her daughter.

Now, I haven't had too much contact with them since that. Maybe a few hellos in passing, but life has been busy for all of us and I just haven't seen them much. Then on Sunday, God taught me a big lesson. I was walking downstairs to let another friend of mine into my apartment building when I ran into them on the stairs. I was excited to say hello, so after a quick interchange, I asked how things were going. She immediately said, "well, they are ok...I buried my mother this week, but she is in a better place with the Lord, " and then she kind of smiled. I responded to her with my condolences and then told her if there was anything she needed to please come on up...and that I would be praying for her.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but once I had a moment God really spoke to me about the way we interact with each other. I realized that most of the time, even with my Christian brothers and sisters my normal response to "What's up?" is usually, "Not much". And my answer to "How are you ?" is usually, "Good." Why is this? Why do we struggle so much to be transparent with even those who are supposed to love us the most? Is it fear? Is it a need for acceptance? I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think it needs to change. Of course there are times when it is just not feasible to share our life stories with one another...time doesn't always allow for it. But can we try to be a little more transparent? Can we try to be a little bit more honest...sharing the good and the bad?

After thinking on it for a while, if we don't share our concerns with one another we will never be a community. This is what Jesus meant when he said bear with one another. We need to know what's up to be able to pray and care for our brothers and sisters. I shared this with our youth group Sunday night and was met with different responses...some were excited about the idea...some looked scared. I'm not sure how it will play out, but I will say that I appreciate so much those who I have been able to be real with, and I know that God is so present in those moments where we care for one another!!

Prayer and power

I have made this statement a few times in the last 24 hours..."this was the best mission trip we have ever taken." After being in Mexico 6 times in the past 4 years I cannot believe I am making this statement because every time we go it is an amazing experience. But I can honestly say that this week was something special. I cannot say strongly enough how proud I am of each of the students who went with us. God handpicked this group for sure, and I know He had a very specific plan for them while they were down there...which will continue to flesh itself out as they return home.

I'm not going to have the time to take you on a play by play of the trip...there is just too much. But I can tell you that God is doing something amazing in El Limon, Mexico. There is a reason I love to take what is supposed to be a 6 hour (which turned into 7 1/2 on the way down and 10 on the way back) bus trip to spend 4 days there every year. God is at work...and it is so visible. I think God is always at work...in our lives and in the lives of the people around us. He is in the business of transforming each of us to be more like Him. He is in the business of providing for our needs and loving us like no human can. But I think we miss a lot of what God does in our busy, "I want it now" society. There are 45 orphans at Mama Paulita's childrens home. And each one of them is learning in very practical and hands on ways about how God protects them, Fathers them and lifts them up. They are learning that God does give us what we need and that the biggest thing we need is an intimate realtionship with Him and the capacity to love each other well. They are experiencing His provisions in ways that we in America can't imagine because we have so much. And they are teaching others to love like Jesus.

Every Monday at Mama Paulita's the children do an outreach in their neighborhood. This neighborhood is very poor. Some houses don't even have doors and one house was missing part of its roof. Many of the people were just chilling out under a tree trying to beat the 110 degree heat of the afternoon. This week, the children were going out in different teams praying for people and giving them a New Testament. We were lucky enough to be invited along, and as we began walking I wasn't sure what to expect. I don't speak much Spanish, so I was planning on just hanging toward the back of the group and observing all that was happening. To my surprise, most of these people invited us all into their yards and houses and spoke with us for some time about their situations. We met a lady who just had a knee replacement and was struggling to get around. We met a lady whose son lives and works in Houston and she is all alone...she said she clings to God because He is all she has. We met someone who had never heard much of the Gospel before and Juan Carlos (who is around 16, by the way) shared beautifuly with her about the love of God and how she can depend on Him for everything. As we prayed for each of these people I was overwhelmed at how God transcends language and culture. He is everywhere and listens to everyone...all the time. I was floored as I watched these kids who have virtually nothing material share everything they do have with these people...and pray with a faith that I rarely encounter. They know God is at work...and they pray with conviction and power.

During our circle time that night one of the students said this..."after seeing their faith and how they pray I realized that its not these kids that need help...it's us." I agree with her. We need help to have the kind of faith these kids posess. We need help to be able to pray with the confidence and power that they pray with. So today I am praying from Scripture, "I believe, help my unbelief." I hope you will join me in this prayer. More later...

Off to Mexico

Well, tomorrow I am off to Mexico again --as of yet in my life, it's my favorite place on earth!! This time I'm the group leader taking 17 teenagers, 2 college students, and 4 other adults down to Monterrey to work with Back2Back. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about the group of people I am so blessed to take with me. It is a group of amazing students and amazing adults that I am sure to learn more from than I could ever possibly teach them.
I am anticipating big things on this trip. I always get nervous saying that out loud. I remember the first time I said I was anticipating big things to happen and then I was disappointed when there were no miraculous conversions or healings...or when things didn't seem to go as planned. I was defining "big" in my own way, instead of looking at what was really happening and see the small miracles within those circumstances as big. For example...this week 17 teenagers who go to high schools such as Indian Hill, Mariemont, 7 Hills, CHCA and CCDS will be spending a week living at a children's home 5 hours away from any type of civilization. No cell phones, no computers, no facebook (I know, right? what are they going to do with themselves!!), no air conditioning, no tv...you get the point. This week those students will spend hours pouring cement, painting, cleaning, and doing whatever else needs to be done to make this children's home better for the 45 kids living there. They will push an 8 year old girl on a swing over and over again as she smiles, giggles and has the time of her life. They will kick a soccer ball with an 11 year old boy for hours after they've spent a whole day doing physical labor. And they will spend more time alone with God in a week than some of them spend all year long. All of that in itself is a miracle. Our students who have everything, giving it all up for a week to serve. That's BIG.
So, when I say I anticipate big things this week, here's what I really mean. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God will use us this week. We are all willing. We are all able. I also know without a shadow of a doubt that in whatever way, God will change each one of us this week. It may be a subtle change, or it may be a huge change. But either way, I know God is at work. And when God is at work, big things do happen.
I am so excited to head out in the morning. I am so excited to see what He decides to do. Please pray with me this week, that we would notice and be thankful for all God is doing. Pray that we would meet whatever needs we are faced with. And pray that we are a blessing wherever we go.

Things I enjoy

There are many things I enjoy in this life. Unfortunately, often times I don't take the time to do what I enjoy because I'm too busy doing the things I have to do. (See 2 blog posts ago...) One of the things I enjoy more than anything, though, is good conversation and friends. I love getting to know new people and getting a glimpse at what God really means by the body of Christ.

A few months ago a few of my friends invited me to be a part of a new small group from a local church. I was a little hesitant because I didn't know any of the other people involved, but one night out per week with adult conversation sounded fantastic to me, so I tagged along. I have learned so much from these folks. First and foremost, they have welcomed me into their lives with open arms. That is not a totally normal thing to do, as most people have their "friends" and don't make an effort to really make new ones. Not this group, they were very warm from the get-go and it didn't take me long to feel a part of their lives.

It was a quick 6 week study, but we've gotten the chance to hang out a few other times outside of our group and it's been a real blessing to get to know them. Tonight was one of those times, and just the girls went out for some sushi and conversation. This is one awesome group of ladies. What I realized though, as I drove home tonight, was how much I've learned from each one of them. And how neat it is to see so many different personalities come together and share life.

If I'm honest, one of the things God has been showing me lately has been just how task-focused I can be and how I can end up holding others to some kind of unreachable standard. (It's the same one I hold myself to most of the time...which is never a good thing.) So my prayer has been very simple over the past few weeks..."Lord, help me love more." This is one of the things my new friends have really challenged me with (and I don't think they even realize it.) They love well....they love their kids well, they love their spouses well, and they have loved each other (an consequently me) well.

If there is one thing I'm certain that I will get a lot of practice with this summer it's loving other people well. And so I continue with the simple prayer that God gives me His eyes to see where and how I can love whoever I come in contact with. I've heard it said that love can change the world. I want to change the world...one person at a time.

Blemished offerings and a gracious God

I have been really wrestling lately with the concept of living in this broken, messed up world. Honestly, most of my wrestling has been with the idea that God wants nothing less than all of who we are, and yet it is so rare to see someone completely sold out to God. Tonight, God smacked me upside the head with something so I just want to write and see if I can make sense of it.

In Malachi, God really comes down on the Israelites (and especially the priests) for giving up blemished animals for their offering to a Holy God. He says, "Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great king, says the Lord Almighty, and my name is to be feared among the nations." Some strong language God is using here, and it for sure stings.

I can't help but think of how often I take the very best of what I have and use it for me. Or how I give my left-over time to God instead of giving Him my best hours. Tomorrow I am speaking at our high school service on the holiness of God. But one of the things I am talking about is what the fear of the Lord really looks like. I love reading the Old Testament in light of the New. I love thinking about the sacrifice that God gave to us in Jesus and how gracious He is in forgiving us.

But more than that, I love that the fear I have for God is becoming more and more complete awe as to who He is and what He is about. I can't give any excuses for why I often times give God blemished offerings. What I can do is continue to fix my eyes on the grace and love of Christ and automatically my offerings become more pure...not because of anything I did, but because of everything He did. My desire becomes more for Him and less for me. And in turn, He teaches me how to love better...with more purity of heart and intention.

What do your offerings look like?

Bad Blogger

I know, I know...I've been such a horrible blogger lately. It's not that I don't want to share what's going on, it's just that I have been stretched in so many different directions lately, I have had little time to sit and collect my thoughts.

Which actually brings up a thought...Why is it that we tend to push off the most important things for the most urgent things?? I remember in graduate school going through a time quadrant where we were supposed to label things "urgent and important", "urgent and unimportant", "not urgent but important", and "not urgent and unimportant". And I remember thinking then, 10 years ago, that I often times end up in the urgent and unimportant category just because it seems urgent. And still, 10 years later, I find myself there all too often.

Maybe it's the technology we work with. When an email pops up, I often feel the need to respond right away, regardless of what else I might be doing at the time. Facebook sure hasn't helped either, as I can waste countless minutes/hours messing around...and I can even call it "ministry" because often times I'm chatting with students or sending them little encouraging notes or whatever.

I guess I realized this the other day when I had a spare hour in my day. It was really nice outside so I decided to take my little backpack with a book, my Bible and my journal and walk down to the park. I spent the hour I had, and another half hour that I didn't really have free and just spent time with God...rewinding, relaxing and refueling. It was in this moment that I realized that what I had relegated to the important but not urgent quadrant really is important and urgent if I'm going to be the woman God has made me to be.

I have big plans this summer. I'm leading a trip of 25 high school students and adults to Mexico from June 13-19...and then I'm heading to Jos, Nigeria for almost 5 weeks from July 11-August 15th. God has big plans this summer...not only for me, but for the students I minister to and their families...for the kids in Mexico and the kids in Nigeria that I will meet and have the priviledge of hanging out with. I'm excited. But I'm also very aware that without placing that "down time" in the urgent and important category, I'm going to miss what God has for me.

I was amazed at all God had to say to me in that hour and a half the other day. Tears ran down my face as He reminded me what a treasure I am to Him. Excitement welled up in me as He shared his desire to touch the world through me and countless others who follow His leading. And peace flooded over me as I was reminded that it's not me, but the God who created the universe doing all the work.

Make it urgent...to spend time with your Father...it's the most important thing you will do today!

The Incredible Easter Story

The Easter story...we've all heard it a million times, right? Don't be so sure. I will never again just assume that becuase someone lives in America, or becuase someone has gone to church their whole lives that they know the story of Jesus' death and resurrection. And I will certianly not assume that they understand all that Jesus did for us through that death and resurrection. Especially not when working with teenagers.

Two quick stories. The first occurred two years ago. I was in a car with a student driving to a soccer game one Saturday afternoon. She was a student who had been around our ministry some, but had not really gotten involved in any of our small groups or discipleship ministry yet. She was a student who had not grown up around church, but surely she knew what Easter was about right? I mean, she had celebrated it every year growing up in an American family. So, I was shocked when I asked her what she thought it was all about and her response was a simple, "I don't know." Wow! Really? You don't know that Easter is about the death and resurrection of Jesus? I suppose I could have understood if she had no clue what that meant for her life...but to not know what it was even about? It threw me off my game a bit. The end of the story is that after that semi-awkward conversation two years ago, this student has accepted Jesus Christ as her savior and has grown a ton in her understanding of who Jesus is. This weekend will be her first Easter as a Christ-follower!!

Second story. I was with a group of teenagers a week ago and asked them if they knew what Palm Sunday was. The answers ranged from "it's about Jesus" to "something that has to do with palm trees." When I pressed them about the rest of the Easter story...they knew some of the basics, but they really didn't know too much about it.

Here's my point. Jesus is the most important figure in history. From a purely secular standpoint we can point to the fact that it is 2009. (If you didn't catch that, our whole dating system changed when Jesus died.) From a Christian standpoint, He is the one on whom our faith hinges. Without the death and resurrection of Jesus, we would have no chance to be with God for eternity. But more and more I notice that our students don't know the story of Easter. They should know the story of Easter.

In the Old Testament, God spoke continuously about the stories that we are to pass on from generation to generation...from a mother and father to their children. We need to be retelling the story. We need to help them to understand the story. We need to be the ones who don't shut up about the story, and how it has impacted our lives. It can make for some very interesting dinner time conversation...so go for it!!

Happy Easter everyone!!

Thanksgiving

Have you ever had an experience where you just can't do anything but thank God for how He's kept you from making big mistakes? I had this experience yesterday, and while I'm not going to share why I had this thought (because it has to do with some people I care about very much), it made me realize that living within the boundries God sets for us is ALWAYS the best thing. I tell teenagers this truth all the time trying to protect them from the consequences that come from living outside of His boundries, but it's very seldom that I step back and take a good look at my life and thank Him for the blessings of keeping me safe. That's where I am right now. I've always been a pretty good kid. (I know I'm not a kid anymore, but a girl can dream, can't she?) And I've been pretty good at following rules. But yesterday what I realized was that it was not me following the rules that has kept me fairly consequence free in my life, it's been God in me...leading and guiding me in making decisions that honor Him and lead to life rather than death.  

Not growing up in the church has made me all the more thankful that God pursued my heart when I was 16 years old.  And looking back there are a ton of instances I could point to where I was moments away from making some really big mistakes.  But God is good and if we are willing to consider HIs plan before our own, He will keep us from making those mistakes. And in the end we can look back and be thankful! 

Blessings and confirmation

So, I think I've already mentioned that I'm going to Africa this summer as an intern with Back2Back Ministries. (You can check them out at www.back2backministries.org). This was a pretty tough decision for me because I'm the type of person who really wants things spelled out before I take any kind of a leap. With this one, it was more of a quiet nudging by the Holy Spirit over the past year to be more globally focused. As I've journeyed through this nudging, however, I had no idea where it was going to take me. I've been going to Mexico with B2B now for 4 years and I suppose in my small brain I just assumed that whatever God was doing He was going to lead me to Mexico. But as I followed the leading I felt more and more of a burden for Africa on my heart...and I really have no idea why...the extent of my knowledge before January was what I have seen on TV. I had never researched what was going on in Africa or how I could even begin to be a part of it. Even the child I sponsor through Compassion is on this side of the world in Ecuador.
And yet, Africa just kept coming up. So I threw up another prayer and filled out an application with B2B to spend a month there this summer. And within a week I had heard back that I was accepted and if I still wanted to do it, I was off to Africa. After that phone call came the initial excitement...and then the initial fear. Excitement because God had answered a prayer and I was being offered the opportunity of a lifetime. Fear because in order to make it happen I'd have to raise almost $3,000...more than half of which would have to be raised by the end of March so I could buy an airline ticket.
Now, understand that when you work at a church, you don't want to just walk around asking people for money...especially when your church is going through a huge capital campaign and the economy is not at its best. So, I began praying again for a confirmation that I was really supposed to go on this trip. Well, as of this week, I am excited to report that God has confirmed it. I have over half of my support raised and I honestly did not ask one person to support me. It is so cool to see God working and confirming what I've felt in my heart for some time.
I cannot wait to get to Nigeria and find out what God really has in store...and how I can be a part of His amazingly huge plan for His world.

Warfare

In my bible study today (we are studying Esther by Beth Moore) I ran across a statement that has stayed with me all day. "Because Satan has a limited leash where believers are concerned, his most powerful tactics are psychological. Though he can't possess our minds, he profoundly and destructively influences our thoughts." I had just finished talking with a good friend about this very thing when I read these words.

I have had a tough few months. After having surgery in October for a torn tendon in my ankle, I thought I had dealt with adversity. But when my doctor told me in mid-December that he'd have to go in and do it again because the tendon had re-torn, my spirit was broken. It's bad enough to be on crutches for 6 weeks and then endure 6 more weeks of rehab with the hope of recovering fully and getting back to normal life. But then to find out that I had to do it all over again was a blow that I was not ready for. Now it's 6 weeks into the second recovery and I am still in a bit of a funk. Life just seems harder when you are physically hurt.

What I didn't see until today, and I'm thankful for my friend's words of encouragement and discernment into the issue, is how much room I've given the enemy to play with my mind. For those of you who don't know me, I am a perfectionist and I can get down on myself when things don't go right. I am also very analytical and I try to figure things out and find answers for life's toughest questions. The problem is that there are some questions that don't have answers...or at least the answers require understanding past what we as humans have. And what God asks is that we just trust Him even when times are the toughest.

God has given us strategies to combat negative thoughts. He tells us that we should take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). He tells us not to conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). And He assures us that when we bring our junk to Him in prayer with thanksgiving that His peace, the peace that passes understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7).

Now those are promises that I can hold on to. Those are promises that make me feel like I will make it through this or any other trial that comes my way. I am thankful that I have a friend willing to speak truth to me and walk with me through some difficult times. And I am thankful that I have a God who is so particular and involved with my every day that He would reinforce a specific truth spoken by a friend with perfectly placed words from a bible study for me to read today.

Nigeria Bound!!!

So, it's official! I'll be spending a month this summer in Jos, Nigeria! I am both nervous and excited to begin preparing for what I'm sure will be one of the most amazing and stretching times in my life. I am not sure about all I will be doing while there, but the main thrust of Back2Back (the organization I'll be going with) is the "care for today, hope for tomorrow" for the word's orphans. I have been taking my high school students to Mexico with this ministry for 4 years now and have loved every minute of it. And I will have the opportunity to head to Mexico for one last time in June with my students before I head off to Nigeria for a month.

I feel completely blessed for many reasons...one of which is my church, Horizon, has agreed to give me the month off so that I can have this experience. Who does that?

Right now I'm having a hard time putting into words the way I'm feeling. It's actually kind of surreal to think about going that far from home and having the opportunity to participate in God's kingdom work on another continent.

I'm sure I will post more as I process the idea of going and how God prepares my heart for this trip. For now, pray with me that the funds I need to make the trip will come.

Snow Days...and other random thoughts...

Today was a snow day. So was yesterday. It's funny how that happens at least once or twice per year in Cincinnati. I am not good with snow days because I'm not good at sitting still and being "locked in." Typically I put on my snow gear and head out into the white death looking for something fun to do. Not this year. This year I'm stuck because I'm still in a cast and on crutches from my recent ankle surgery. Nothing says "America's Funniest Home Videos" like crutches on ice. So, I decided to save my body (and my ego) and stay inside the last two days. The problem is, it's been really hard allowing myself to get quiet and just be still.

In Scripture it says, "Be still and know that I am God." I really wanted to do this over the past few days. But I can't say it happened for too long. Lately, something about being really quiet and listening for God has been tough. It might be my current predicament. I really am not worth all that much after a month of not being able to run or work out or do anything athletic. I think I've come to realize that as my stress reliever. But still, I know the only place I can find the LORD and His complete attention is sitting quietly at the foot of the cross.

And so this is where we all must go...to really hear our LORD. And isn't it nice that every so often He provides us with unique opportunities...sometimes even forced opportunities...to meet with Him. And when we do, we are able to forget about the day and all the mess that is going on in our lives and just remember what life is really about.

Thank you Jesus for a snow day...a day where, although I didn't use it to it's fullest, was still able to help me to connect with you!!

Gator Nation

So, I know it's been a few weeks, but I want to give a quick shout out to my Florida Gators for winning the national championship, yet again! I can't tell you how excited I've been about their success. And I can't tell you how impressed I've been with Tim Tebow, who has not only proven himself to be a force in college football, but has also proven that he can do it with integrity and a pure heart. I thank God for his witness and for the lives he's impacting on one of the biggest stages in our nation.

It's great to be a Florida Gator!!!