Going for the win!!!

It feels good to win, doesn't it? I've been an athlete most of my life and the goal of every contest is to come out on top. After all, 2nd place is really the first loser right?

Well, as I get older and learn more about influencing and leading others, I am learning that winning isn't always as important as I thought it was. Now, I must tell you that even typing that statement was difficult for me. This is a work in progress. But in the past, I have fought tooth and nail to win an argument or prove my position or take a stand...but I'm becoming convinced that going for the win is not the right way to approach conflict or uncertainty. There is a value in compromise.

Stephen Covey, in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, says that we should think "win/win". This is seeking after mutually beneficial solutions for both parties involved. It involves looking for compromise. And it involves really giving his next habit a shot..."seek first to understand and then to be understood." I am coming to believe that this is key if you want others to respond to you with trust and respect. You must first hear them, trust them, and respect them. And they need to know you hear them. And once everyone is heard, then you can search for the best possible solution to the conflict.

Jesus takes it one step farther..." then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil 2:2-4). God asks us to put others' first. He's asking us to enter into conflict, not to win, but to honor Him and others. And we can do that if we can get away from the notion that if we don't win, we lose.

Often times there are things in our lives worth fighting for. Many things and many ideas. But it's the way you fight that makes all the difference. And it's the way you respond in the end that validates who you are in Christ and how much you value others.

This is not easy. Believe me...even this week, I have struggled with trying to listen to and validate others' ideas, even when my ideas are different. But what I'm learning is that the bigger picture is not whether we win or lose, but how we play the game!