Spiritual Amnesia

I've never had real amnesia before...forgetting my past. But tonight I realized that I have a pretty large case of Spiritual Amnesia. Let me explain. God is so gracious to me. He has spoken to me on many occasions, about many things. (For those of you who get creeped out by the idea that "God spoke to me," it's always through other people, Scripture, circumstances or the Spirit inside me sharing truth with my heart.) Anyway, I am thankful that most of the time, God speaks when I am struggling to make sense of the world or my life. It's usually when I am at the end of myself, which makes sense...we must be at the end of ourselves to even see past our own circumstances to look for more wisdom. But my issue is that God will speak, I will even write it down, and then I will forget about it and end up in a similar place again down the road. (Hence the term "amnesia".)

It's not that I want to forget His amazing truth, or His amazing grace...it's that my brain is just not good enough to hold onto it all.

It's been really frustrating for me lately, because since I've been back from Africa, I have been different. God has changed me in many ways. He has changed the way I live life and the way I view ministry. But, I feel like I am coming down from the mountain in that I have forgotten some of the things He spoke to me while I was there. And so I'm beginning to understand why the Israelites could see grand miracles and then turn right around and curse God and Moses and ask to go back to Egypt, as if God hadn't spoken to them the whole time. What I'm learning, though, is why God kept saying for them to "remember." He told them to remind each other of the great things that He did for them. And tonight, as I pulled out my journal I was able to remember the great things that God spoke to me this summer. And in all of that, He spoke again and reminded me what it was all about. All I had to do was to humble myself before Him and ask.

I love that even when we are hard-headed and have amnesia, God still speaks....and loves...and gives grace...